Rebecca Eckler is one of Canada's most talked about newspaper columnists, the author of Knocked Up: Confessions of a Hip Mother to Be, which has been translated into nine languages. Also the author of the bestsellers, Wiped!, Toddlers Gone Wild, and Rotten Apple, the first in a YA series. Random thoughts on life in the competitive world of modern mommyhood. Blog will be loved by trendy mothers who still feel, or often feel, that the most important word in "mommee" is ME!

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Potty Mouth

This morning, I received what I thought was a Fear Phone Call.

In the days way, way, way back, pre-Dictator that is, The Fear Phone call was a call made to friends, or received from friends, after a night of drunken stupidity.

At 11 a.m. this morning, my cell phone started to vibrate. I glanced at the number, like I always do before picking up, only to see the call was being made from my house. Except I wasn't at home.

Which either meant that someone who had my very personal phone number had broken into my house. Or that it was Nanny Mimi.

Now that I'm a mother, I have that full-fledge paranoia thing happening. Any ring after 10 p.m. means bad news. Any call from the house in the middle of the day to my cell phone = bad news.

"What's wrong? What's wrong?" I immediately said into the phone. I had The Fear.

"Rowan just pooed in the potty!" Nanny Mimi said, in the same excited tone she used when she told me, three weeks ago, that her boyfriend proposed.

That was the first time The Dictator had done that. Of course, it warranted a call. Of course, she'll be getting a present. Of course, it was the most exciting news since I learned that Rock Star was being filmed again.

We've been pretty relaxed about the whole toilet-training thing. The Fiance ordered a book from Amazon, called, "How To Potty Train Your Child in 26 seconds," or something like that. And that's pretty much where we've stopped.

My main problem with these types of books - and, truthfully, I have heard they work - is that it would take me five weeks to read two hundred pages. And these books are always two hundred pages. If I'm reading anything aside from Goodnight Moon, it won't be a bible on toilet training.

The fact is, you rarely see 12 year-olds walking around in diapers. So, obviously, every child eventually learns how to go on "the potty" one way or another.

Speaking of potty, I've been wondering what are appropriate words for toddlers when it comes to going to the washroom. I use the 'S' word as much as anyone - though a lot less in the last two years - but I don't exactly want to hear that word out of The Dictator's mouth.

Yesterday, The Dictator pointed at my chest and said, "Big boobs." Then The Dictator pointed at her own chest and said, "Little boobs."

It wasn't a big deal. She went through all the body parts like that. "Mommy big hands. Rowan little hands. Mommy big feet. Rowan little feet." And on and on.

But..still...boobs?

9 Comments:

Anonymous politically incorrect mom said...

I tried potty training my kids at various times. Finally when my first was turning 3 I just said, "Listen, you need to use the potty. You may NOT pee in your pants."

It worked so well, I'm planning to do it with the second one this summer.

Diapers are so much nicer to deal with than poopy underpants or (even better) poopy underpants your toddler decided to remove his self LONG before you realized what was going on because you thought he was going down for a nap...

8:27 PM

 
Blogger Cosmopolitan Bitch said...

I'm not a mommy, I'm not married. I just turned 21, in fact. But I love the sense of humour, I love the mormality, I love everything about this blog. Fabulous!

8:39 PM

 
Anonymous kate said...

My little girl calls it her "gina" I can deal with that.

11:26 PM

 
Blogger petite gourmand said...

we are still at the pampers vs. huggies stage.
we have a long long way to go.sigh...
although the diaper thing is not nearly as horrific as i had imagined pre.baby.
congrats on the poop.
never thought I'd hear myself saying that to anyone!

6:21 AM

 
Blogger Charity said...

Ah, I love it Kate, "gina." That is the cutest!!

My daughter is now 14, so the memories are vague. I would bring her potty with me, I would go, then try to get her to copy Mommy. It worked sometimes.

And when she did go on her own, we made such a HUGE deal out of it, that she wanted to do it more. I would jump up and down with praise, then we would call Grammy on the phone so she could tell her "I make potty on the big potty."

6:24 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey -- what happened to the blog? Last week all pink and decent sized type -- now all white and microscopic print??? Gaahhh!

6:26 AM

 
Anonymous cheryl said...

I like the new look, but the font is too small!

6:48 AM

 
Blogger jaycurrie said...

So far I only have boys. Toliet training was a breeze and done before any of them was two. The short version: every couple of hours place child on potty. When child poops or pees applaud. Rinse, repeat - diapers overnight for the first month and then you're done.

1:17 PM

 
Blogger Sarah O. said...

True story.

At 2 1/2 my son seemed so ready for potty training. I tried EVERYTHING but he wouldn't cooperate.

After a month or so of zero progress I asked him, "Why don't you want to use the potty?"

His immediate answer (and I quote): "Because if I use the potty then I won't be a baby any more!"

I finally got him trained at 4.

6:10 AM

 

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