Rebecca Eckler is one of Canada's most talked about newspaper columnists, the author of Knocked Up: Confessions of a Hip Mother to Be, which has been translated into nine languages. Also the author of the bestsellers, Wiped!, Toddlers Gone Wild, and Rotten Apple, the first in a YA series. Random thoughts on life in the competitive world of modern mommyhood. Blog will be loved by trendy mothers who still feel, or often feel, that the most important word in "mommee" is ME!

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

My Baby's Butt

Ok, I love my baby's ass.

I swear, it's her cutest body part. She runs around the house naked sometimes - it's a game we call "Naked Baby: - and I look at her little bum and I'm like "yum." (hey, that rhymes!)

Every day I ask The Dictator, "Can I bite your butt?" Ususally, she says yes. Then she makes me bite the other cheek. Sometimes she even says, "Bite my butt!"

There's just something about baby's bums and thighs that I just want to....bite!

I'm pretty sure there's no etiquette out for asking my friend's if I can bite their baby's bums. But sometimes I do.

My friend Kama's 7 month-old son, North, is at that chunky monkey stage....that stage where they blow up because they're eating a lot but not crawling or walking yet. And I just want to squeeze him all over. His cheeks are so puffy that I kept poking them. Then Kama took North away from me.

Now, while I think it's more than ok for me to nibble on my own baby's ass, I don't like when other babies want to nibble on me.

One of The Fiance's colleagues son was at this awful licking stage, and would like everything and everybody - including me.

I'm not sure there's any etiquette either for telling a person you really don't really know all that well, "Can you please tell your son to stop licking me, because it's grossing me out."

So I told her son to lick The Dictator instead.

Anyway, back to The Dictator's perfect ass. I always want to take pictures of her ass, but don't. Because I wouldn't want any body at, let's say, at Kodack, to think that I'm, you know, as weirdo.

I wish my ass was as cute as The Dictator's.


Blogger Cindy said...

I think that wanting to bite babies is something that's hardwired into every person no matter what, because they are so damn cute. I also think that perfect body parts are wasted on youth because they just DONT care. Ungrateful brats.

11:37 PM

Blogger Heather said...

I'm soo glad someone else thinks baby's asses are biteable. My sons bum is so cute that I kiss, tickle, and blow zerberts on it everyday. As for the biting. It takes everything in me to not bite him everyday....and not just his ass either.

3:07 AM

Blogger DaniGirl said...

This post is going to get you some nasty google traffic...

5:10 AM

Blogger Petite Mom Blogger said...

I takes naked butt pictures of my baby all the time. In fact right now I have a photo up of him riding a bike naked...LOL...

BTW, I found your blog via Kristen.

I'll be adding you to my blogroll.

6:02 AM

Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

There is nothing - nada, zip - so delicious as baby bum and thigh. God hath made no more munchable thing.

Get a digital camera, and snap bum shots at will. I do. Because a) YUM! and, b) they are future ammunition to be used in battles against the mouthy teenager that Baby will no doubt one day become. ('You want to cross your mother?!?! She's got BABY BUM SHOTS and they're GOING UP')

8:33 AM

Blogger Charity said...

Ahhh.....How cute!!

When my daughter was little, we would always tell her "go wash your butt" which meant, bath time. When she was two, she would get out of the bath and tell me "Mommy, bite my butt, it's clean" Then I'd have to chase her around the house to catch her and bite that little butt, and she would laugh and laugh.

She and I were just talking about this the other day. How ironic.

I also love baby toes.

10:24 AM

Anonymous Tina said...

I have been alerted to this blog by other mommys who for some reason think it's funny. I don't. And I am aghast at this post. How stupid is this woman, whom I have never heard of before and am having a hard time believing has ever been employed for very long by any reputable newspaper. A pedophile goes to Google and types in baby's asses and this post will pop up. Plus she's posted pictures of her baby on here. What an irresponsible idiot, not to mention the fact that this post is downright creepy. "i told him to lick the dictator" ????. "i wish my ass was as cute as my daughter's?"

What the hell?

Honestly, mommys, why do you come here? Not only is it terribly written, it reveals a mother who is more into herself than her child, and apparently doesn't hesitate to use her child -- in the most dangerous ways -- to get attention for herself. We should all boycott her.

3:46 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tina, you need to chill the hell out. The pedophiles aren't googling for baby asses, they are stalking your unattended children while you spend your time spreading hate.
If you don't like it, no need to return but you don't need to boss everyone else around. Junior high is over, sweets.

3:59 PM

Anonymous Tina said...

Really, anonymous? Because I work in law enforcement, and do a lot of work on this front. So think again. The Internet is their tool, and this moron has now publicly gone on about her kid's "ass," has posted pictures of her on this blog, and the child's name can be gleaned from reading through back posts. I expect she will hear from Blogger soon and be told to knock it down. Clue in, anonymous. Read up on the subject.

4:07 PM

Blogger sunshine scribe said...

Whoa. Unnecessary backlash.

Funny Post. What I like about your blog is that you say what everyone else is thinking.

Our favourite saying here is "your so cute I could eat you up!"

4:15 PM

Blogger ninepounddictator said...

Dear "Tina"
I'm so happy to know that people in law enforcement such as yourself call people like me, perfectly good citizens, morons.
You must be so proud of yourself. I'm sure your bosses are too. And, next time, use your real name if you expect people to respect what you have to say.

4:39 PM

Anonymous Janet said...

How about IDIOT, then? Dumbass? Ignoramus? Tina is right, and thank God someone finally said it. I read this earlier today and just about fell off my chair. Get a clue, Rebecca.

4:50 PM

Anonymous Leah said...

Perfectly good citizen? That's a laugh. Lying chronically about yourself to just about everyone you know is indicative of being a good citizen? I guess on Planet Weasel.

4:57 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jesus, people!
This is her blog. She can write what she wants to write. If you hate it so much, why bother reading it?
Just. Don't. Go. Here. It's that easy.

5:06 PM

Blogger Chaotic Mom said...

I was just stopping in to thank you for a nice comment you had left on my sons' blog a while back ( And I get this HILARIOUS commentary in your post!

At the end of a long day, boys' baths done, there's nothing funnier and cuter than watching the nekkid three year old running around, daring me to catch him. ;)

5:51 PM

Anonymous Sara said...

I'm not joining in the Rebecca bashing (I think the blog is funny) but I agree with Tina in that I would never post pictures of my baby on the Internet, especially in conjunction with posts about "baby asses" that will certainly attract those creeps out there. My babe has a website but it is password protected and her last name isn't on it.

6:27 PM

Blogger littlepinkcar said...

Tina - if you want to worry about someone, worry about Leah. She comes here all the time and slams Rebecca. She practically stalks her Blogspot. Over and over again she comes here and slams slams slams. No one likes her here, it's obvious. Yet she keeps coming back. Over and over. Total schoolyard bully = Leah. I swear, REbecca, this Leah is probably stalking you. I'd be worried about this Leah person, seriously. She's obsessed, and just can't let it go. She just won't go away. Ughh.

Leah, seriously, BLOG OFF!! You're starting to creep us out.

6:47 PM

Anonymous tina said...

Uhhh .. thanks, littlepinkcar, but for some reason I am less worried about a commentator on her blog than I am about the creepy post that prompted the commentary. I have flagged this blog to Blogger. You people may think I am over-reacting, but read up a bit about pedophiles, the Internet and their online tactics. This was a very dumb and irresponsible thing to post in a public place about a child.

7:07 PM

Blogger kittenpie said...

I agree that baby bums and tums and toes are adorable (we call pumpkinpie's "the tiny heinie"), and I think talking about that is mommy stuff, not creepy.

I am not going to join in with the mean-spirited name-calling, but I must admit that I am really cautious about online identity - I would never post a pic of myself or pumpkinpie, and I don't use her name or misterpie's or even my own. Online we are the Pie family. And we do know a lot about who you are from reading just a post or too here. It does seem a bit scarily transparent just in case of lurking sickos.

7:30 PM

Blogger littlepinkcar said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7:53 PM

Blogger Jenn said...

Ah. There they are. A few days went by with no blogtards posting nastiness, and I was worried that the cosmic ballance had somehow shifted and a great cataclysm was on the way.

On the topic of baby bums...there is no bum cuter than Miss Mary's. Seriously. If she didn't pee everywhere, I'd let her run around the house nekked all the time. That, and if we didnt live in the frigid North, eh.

8:26 AM

Blogger SleepyNita said...

I wanna poke and bite at the chunk on a baby but too.

No need for the nasties, Rebecca had a very public and well known persona and if she was an "anonymus" blogger some of her credibility would go by the wayside. She can govern herself as she chooses online. Pretty. Darn. Simple. After the fact anonymous "law enforcement" posters should spend their time looking for the kiddie porn not bashing a mom for talking about baby asses. Get a grip there are hundreds of worse blogs about babies on blogger and myspace then this one.

P.S. Think I am going to institute naked baby day in this house. I can't wait till he can mosy around with his cute chunk. Plus I need the embarressing photos for future girlfriends.

9:52 AM

Blogger GIRL'S GONE CHILD said...

what's with all the hate? jewish grandmothers everywhere have been biting tushy for years. Mine finally stopped biting mine, thank god.

7:01 PM

Anonymous H. said...

We have naked time every day at 4:00 while watching Oprah. My little wumpy, 5 months old, loves rolling around on the floor, (on her pee mat). In fact, I get really irritated if it is not a good Oprah episode on. She rolled over on her own for the first time today which I know means trouble!!

8:30 PM


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