Rebecca Eckler is one of Canada's most talked about newspaper columnists, the author of Knocked Up: Confessions of a Hip Mother to Be, which has been translated into nine languages. Also the author of the bestsellers, Wiped!, Toddlers Gone Wild, and Rotten Apple, the first in a YA series. Random thoughts on life in the competitive world of modern mommyhood. Blog will be loved by trendy mothers who still feel, or often feel, that the most important word in "mommee" is ME!

Monday, June 12, 2006

I Love You And Needles!

I do. I really do. Thank you for all you advice on whether I should leave The Dictator for a two week vacation.

99 per cent of you nice and loyal readers of ninepounddictator have told me to go to Italy, and leave The Dictator in the 10 good hands of Nanny Mimi, The In-Laws and my parents.

So I feel a lot better about my choice to go for it and leave The Dictator for two weeks.

Apparently, I'm not the only woman out there who sees the beauty in the fact there is a Prada outlet in Italy. There is such a thing. Really. It is not a myth. So I've definitely decided to go.


I've decided to go to Provence - and thank you all once again for pointing out my spelling mistake - yes, I'm a complete idiot when it comes to spelling. Once there, I'll decide whether or not to continue onto Italy.

If, while in Provence (not Provance) and I'm missing The Dictator too much, then I'll come back and let The Fiance head to Italy on his own. It will be good for him. And by "good for him" I mean "good for his credit card."

Many of you have suggested that I take The Dictator on the vacation. And to that I answer, "Um, that would not be a vacation!"

Once you have a two year-old, you realize there is a major difference between a "vacation" and a "trip."

A "vacation" is fun and relaxing! Meaning, on vacation you can lie by the pool, ogle the hot guys who bring you drinks, nap, read actual novels as opposed to US Weekly (and, don't get me wrong, I love the US Weekly), stay out late, eat at nice restaurants, sleep in and also have sex morning, noon, and night. Also, you can pack just for yourself.

When you travel with kids, that's a "trip." Meaning, you have to take a carry-on bag that weighs 5000 tons to keep your child occupied on the plane. And you have to share a room with your child, and mine now likes to wake up at 5:45 a.m.

And, though The Dictator does have a shoe collection that can compete with Barbara Amiel (I swear, The Dictator has 42 pairs of shoes) I can't see her enjoying spending two hours at the Prada outlet or seeing an Opera in Verona.

But, mostly, The Dictator can't come along because The Fiance won't let her. I did suggest that we bring her, because I do want to bring her, but when I asked if she could come, The Fiance said, "No."

But we will go on a family "trip" in January.

Moving on....

I want to tell you all about my acupuncturist. I have had major health issues in the last three months, which I won't get into because I do not like pity. I mean, I like to pity myself, but I don't like others pitying me.

After getting a number of X-rays and an MRI (Which possibly was the most awful thing I have ever had to do) and seeing 12 doctors, none of who could agree on what was wrong with me, and after crying every day for six weeks because not one doctor could help me, I went to see an acupunturist. (Trust me, I am not liking the Canadian medical system at present.)

I told Dr. Zhao, my acupuncturist, what was wrong with me, or what I thought was wrong with me, based on the 8 different diagnosis I received, and he said something like...well, actually, he didn't speak English very well so I'm not sure what the fuck he said, but he told me to lie on my side.

He put a number of needles all over my body, from the top of my head, in my ear, down my back, and told me I should come in to see him 12 times. I've been to see him 8 times so far.

And guess what?

I feel better! I am almost entirely cured! I love the dude.

But the best thing, aside from no longer being in so much pain that I would cry out every night, was that I told him I still had cravings for cigarettes and asked him if he could do anything about that. To which is he said, well..I don't know what the fuck he said, because, like I said, he doesn't speak English very well.

But I suppose he understood me, because he put some more needles in my ear, and voila. I no longer have cravings. Not only for butts, but for everything bad for me! I don't crave chocolate anymore. I don't crave caffeine. I think I may have lost 5 pounds after seeing Dr. Zhao.

There's only one bad thing about acupuncture. See, it doesn't hurt at all. But, the other day, I made the horrific mistake of turning my head to see all the needles sticking out of me, and I freaked out. As you may know by now, I'm a big crier. So, of course, after seeing 20 needles sticking out of me, I started to cry like a baby.

It was all so pathetic. "Hello?" I called out from the room I was in. "H-h-h-hello????"

And Dr. Zhao couldn't hear me, which made me cry even harder. I was in a hospital gown and didn't know what to do. Do I walk out into the waiting room with needles sticking out of me and tears streaming down my face? Um, no.

So I called out louder. "HELLO!!!!!! HELLO!! HELP!!!!!"

That he heard.

He came in and looked at me crying and did some magic and told me to relax and I did.

Anyway, I really suggest anyone with any sort of problem, from insomnia to depression to chronic pain to wanting to lose weight, to see a good acupuncturist. I'm not sure how it works. Nor do I really care how it works. But it works.

I also had a really fun weekend. My weekend included having a wonderfully fun night partying with a blind man until 2 a.m. And also hanging out with a Canadian Idol judge who took me shopping all day Saturday. But more on that tomorrow. (Oohhhh can you wait???)

Thank you again for your advice. I owe you all a big one.


Anonymous mothergoosemouse said...

I was not about to correct the spelling of a published author. But I did notice the use of "a" rather than "e". C'est la vie.

Glad you are going to take a vacation. Sans Dictator.

Your story reminded me of the SatC episode where Charlotte has acupuncture. I've heard wonderful things about it, but I can't get past the needles.

9:06 AM

Blogger MommyWithAttitude said...

I think a friend of mine had acupuncture to get pregnant (well, she had sex too I'm pretty sure, but she was having trouble conceiving). I've heard a lot of "I don't know why, but it worked" stories about it. I've been having a (turns out, minor) medical issue too, maybe I'll give that a try.

10:09 AM

Anonymous Christine said...

I went to see an acupuncturist when I was trying to get pregnant (yes, I saw that episode of Sex and the City, and yes, it inspired me) and I'm pleased to report: it worked! It really, really worked! Or maybe it was the Chinese herbs, or the prayer, or maybe it was just the right time. But all that aside, I loved going and would recommend it to anyone. It was relaxing and when I would say, "You know, I've got this headache," she'd throw in an extra needle or five and, voila! no more headache. Same for the ache in the back or shoulder. Love those needles!

10:33 AM

Blogger Bahar said...

Which canadian idol judge? I like them all.

Also, if you ever see Ben Mulroney, could you kiss him for me, please? (on the lips, only and then you can say it was for someone else)

you are going to Provence? man! (I am crying now) and if you ever see a Parad outlet, could you please take a picture and it mail it to me (looking at it will give me enough pleasure, since my credit card is maxed out right now)

So, apparently I am a politician now (or soon a failed candidate). That means I can't talk about dating anymore, since all the reporters some how have found my damn weblog and ask me about it on interviews!!!

But I found a cool guy (sound editor) and I like him a lot, but I think he is a bit confused since his father committed suicide! (damn! where do I find people like this?)

I feel like I want to come to Calgary just to have a coffee with you!

10:49 AM

Blogger Laural Dawn said...

I hope you feel better - whatever the ailment. Pain is never fun.
I'm with you on the acupuncture. I did it once for a sinus issue. It worked like magic - but it's really freaky seeing all the needles in you.
Hope you resolve everything.
Oh, and also, good call on going on your trip. I know you'll love it. I'm happy for you.

10:56 AM

Blogger metro mama said...

I hear you on the hell that is the MRI. I had one last year and it reminded me of the scene in Kill Bill where Uma is buried alive. I didn't think I was ever gonna get out of there and I was thinking about trying some ninja moves if it didn't end soon.

2:57 PM

Anonymous Karla said...

Im glad you decided to go. You wont regret it. Well you might for a brief introspective moment but in the long run you will not.

4:55 PM

Blogger Mom101 said...

I am a big fan of both Italy and acupuncture. Glad you will be experiencing both. Although hopefully not at the same time.

5:47 PM

Blogger bubandpie said...

"I mean, I like to pity myself, but I don't like others pitying me."

Great line! I'll have to use that one in conversation some time...

6:56 PM

Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Sounds like you have a good plan for that trip.

And, acupuncture, YES. Magic. But you must never, ever look. Never. Been there.

7:48 PM

Blogger Jennifer P said...

Ugh - Canandian and medical system are two words (or is that three?) that don't go together. Glad to hear you're on the mend.

8:32 PM

Blogger JennC said...

No worries on the spelling. It's pronounced as though it is spelled with an "a". French vowels. Bah...

Acupuncture... hmm.... I wonder if I can find a needle guy in Paris?...

There are all sorts of designer outlet stores in the Paris area. A bunch of them are grouped by the shopping center Val d'Europe (by Disneyland Paris)... I went once, but hélas... only to tease the eye.

But Prada... Nice.

1:47 AM

Anonymous chelle said...

Trust me when I say this....the Canadian system is not perfect, but you have never experienced hell until you have tried to navigate the American system! *shudder*

I am glad you are feeling better!!

7:34 AM

Blogger hautemama said...

rock on rebecca! maybe I should try it during childbirth ? I know of a few people who have been voodoo dolls and it's really helped. Especially with fertility.

11:20 AM

Blogger Kristen said...

I've always wanted to try acupuncture, but I'm one of those hand sanitizer, don't touch the cart before I wipe it down and put your cart cover on, open public bathroom doors with a paper towel type of germ freaks--- and even though I know they aren't going to put a needle with germs on it into my skin, I'd still be wondering. LOL.

11:40 AM

Anonymous Nancy said...

I am glad you decided to go to Italy. I hope you have a wonderful time!

6:27 PM

Anonymous wendy boucher said...

Enjoy Provence. I was there a few months ago and it is pure joy.

AND, I have been seeing an acupuncturist since April for my allergies and stuff. I love it. I'm totally addicted. I get a huge buzz from the treatments and they are working. It's totally weird but it works. I can barely say the work "chi" without giggling but otherwise I'm all about the acupuncture. Glad it gave you some relief.

9:02 PM

Blogger each-day said...

My laptop is now fixed and the first thing I did was to search for your blog again. Great writing *round of applause*.
Italy is going to be a dream, so have lots of fun, red wine and oggling. I am SO jealous.
I have been tempted to go for acupunture for my smoking but always thought it was just a myth. Thanks for enlighting me. I hope that you continue to feel better :)

5:07 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just wondering what accupuncture-ist you have been to see, I am in Calgary and I know no one who has done it, can you post a name/# for the guy? Thanks! Love the blog.... waiting on your next book too, when is it coming???

9:40 PM

Blogger chichimama said...

Hmmm. I've been thinking about trying accupuncture, but haven't known anyone who has ever done it. Now I will have to try, as I have a similar conflicting medical opinions, and much throwing up of hands.

Glad you are feeling better and you will enjoy your trip I am sure!

3:06 PM

Blogger Heather said...

I tried acupuncture once to help quit smoking. It didn't work. Getting that worked. Never smoked again.

6:03 PM


Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home