What's the Etiquette...

In tipping dog groomers?

Yesterday, the fiance took Ruby-the-nine-pound-dog-who-limps to the doggy salon early in the morning because he couldn't deal anymore.

Frankly, I like when Ruby-the-nine-pound-dog-who-limps long hair on her ears is matted (They look kind of like dreads.)

How did her ears get like that? Let's just say it involved The Dictator and a bowl of ice cream. Anyway, The fiance was adamant too that they cut Ruby-the-nine-pound-dog-who-limps toenails.

Apparently, the fiance doesn't like to get scratched by anyone's toe nails, including mine.

All day long, the fiance called to remind me, "Beck, you're going to pick Ruby up, right?," "Beck you're going to pick Ruby up right?" "Beck, you're going to pick Ruby up, right?"

How could I forget.? I walked into the doggy salon, just after 4 p.m. and said to the Dog Woman, "I'm here to pick up Ruby."

"She's not here," the Dog Woman said, with a straight face.

"Um, what?"

"She's not here. She left."

"Really?"

"She's gone."

My heart immediately started pounding. Where the hell was my Ruby-the-nine-pound-dog-who-limps? Was it possible, after the fiance reminded me 5000 times to pick her up, that he had? But he would have told me if that was the case, wouldn't he?

"Well-" I answered, trying to get to the bottom of where my dog was. I was starting to freak out. I mean, it's my dog!

"JOKING!" said the dog woman. "I was just joking."

"Oh," I said, looking at her. That was a JOKE? I didn't quite get it.

I mean, if I went to pick up the Dictator and someone pulled that "joke" on me, you can bet that I would never EVER bring her back there again.

Everyone knows that dogs are like children. For goodness sake, they make bridesmaids dresses for dogs and diamond collars. People spend more on their dogs these days than their children. And Ruby is my baby. I love her.

From that moment on, I was flustered. I couldn't get over the joke. But Dog Woman explained that everyone loved Ruby and didn't want to see her go. (So, I guess there was a reason behind the dog-knapping joke. I guess.)

Ruby-the-nine-pound-dog-who limps, I will admit, looked gorgeous. And she smelled all flowery (although I do like dog smell. I really do.) And her toe nails were cut.

Dog Woman-Who-Has-A-strange-sense-of-humour told me how much the bill was ($51) I handed her over $60 and then thought, "Oh, do I tip her for doing my dog's hair and nails?"

I mean, I tip my hairdresser. I tip my manicurists. I had no idea. So I said, "You can keep the change, or give it to the Humane society." (There was a can for the Humane Society on the counter.)

I left, happy that I had Ruby-the-nine-pound-dog-who-limps, still weirded out by Dog Woman's not-funny joke (Does anyone else see the humor in pretending that your dog is gone, when you go to pick them up?) and wondering if I should have tipped more, or less, or not at all.

Anyone know the etiquette?