Rebecca Eckler is one of Canada's most talked about newspaper columnists, the author of Knocked Up: Confessions of a Hip Mother to Be, which has been translated into nine languages. Also the author of the bestsellers, Wiped!, Toddlers Gone Wild, and Rotten Apple, the first in a YA series. Random thoughts on life in the competitive world of modern mommyhood. Blog will be loved by trendy mothers who still feel, or often feel, that the most important word in "mommee" is ME!

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

I'm Grumpy..

So grumpy. I blame "Seasonal Allergies" which are ruining my life. They keep me up at night. They annoy the crap out of me.

And the thing is...well, the thing is, I'm not even the one who suffers from Seasonal Allergies. It's the stupid fiance. (Yes, that's how grumpy I am.)

For the past week, I haven't slept. Here's my routine. We get into bed. I give a sigh of relief, "Thank God I made it through another -"

And then the fiance is snoring.

I'm not sure what annoys me more. The fact that he can fall asleep in 12 seconds or the fact that as soon as he falls asleep he's snoring. Either way, I want to hurt him.

I've tried to be nice, you know, hitting him on his back as opposed to slapping him in the face. I've begged him - "Please dear god, let me fall asleep first."

I've made him do the nasal spray thing and I swear, I. am. this. close. to. buying. him. those. hideous. nose. strips. But I'm not that cruel. Not yet anyway.

So I've been sleeping in The Dictator's bed. Which sucks because she needs her Dora the Explorer sheets and, to me, they make me feel like I'm sleeping on paper towel. But I can deal with that. I can not deal with the fact The Dictator is now a girl.

A girl who kicks. And sleeps sidewways. And kicks. And kicks. And kicks.

So, here are my choices a) I sleep with The Snorer or b) I sleep with the Kicker.

I don't like either of those options.

I like option c) finding a doctor who will prescibe me a jar of sleeping pills so I can have options - the options being being able to sleep through the snores or being able to sleep through the kicks. I don't care. Drug me. Please.

I don't know. I just don't know.

You know, if I can offer one piece of advice for all those who haven't found mates, it would be to ask Potentials if they have seasonal allergies. If they say yes, end the date right there and don't look back.

I'm just saying...


Blogger K said...

i, too, pray that i will fall asleep first. because if i dont, my whole night of sleep is ruined. between two dogs and husband, im seriously considering my own bedroom. :D

4:47 PM

Blogger Heather said...

I hear you loud and clear. My husband snores like a bulldozer (we are talking vbrating the bed with his snores...though so may fancy that) and he too manages to fall asleep in like 4 seconds. My advice is 1. Nasal strips DO NOT WORK...they just give you something to laugh at them about. So you may want to consider for that reason alone. 2. Kicking them and shoving them does not work either. They may say "unhunh" but they really don't hear you. Telling them to roll on their side is futile. Though they may stop snoring for a long enough time for you to fall asleep.
3. Sex before bed. Way before bed, that way you can get to bed earlier and sleep before he does. It keeps you on your toes.
4. Alcohol only makes snoring worse.
5. If the snoring gets bad...KICK HIM TO THE COUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank god my husband doesn't snore every single night. I think I'd have a mental break down. I TRULY know how madening it can be with five pillows over your head, you can still hear them and the bed is vibrating. Good luck. Perhaps a glass of wine...or two before bed may help.

4:54 PM

Blogger Cindy said...

my husband does that too. Only it's not allergies he just snores. The trick is to pinch their sides until they gradually wake up and pretend you had nothing to do with it. Hopefully then you can fall asleep before he does again.

Or you could do what my sister used to do to me(I used to grind my teeth). She would stuff a sock in my mouth and then I would be too afraid to go back to sleep until after she was for surely asleep. But that's kinda mean. It worked though.

5:38 PM

Blogger chichimama said...

I'm so sorry. M has not only seasonal allergies, but year-round allergies to the cat he refuses to get rid of, so I feel your pain. DOn't waste your $ on the strips, they don't work.

I sleep on the couch many a least then I can watch crappy TV to drown out the snores.

5:40 PM

Blogger Mom101 said...

My life = option d) sleep with both. The snorer is on one end of the bed, me on the other, and the kicker between us. The best I can hope for is that I get the head side and not the feet side or there's just no hope for me at all.

11:42 PM

Blogger Blog-o-licious said...

My sweet husband also I usually start in the same bed and when I wake to go pee, I grab my pillow, take the cat and off we go to the guest room. I tease my husband that he is asleep before it actually gets dark once he turns off the light. We have only been married 5 years and we figure it's really about the sleep anyway.

7:59 AM

Blogger Ashley said...

Hm... have you tried things like Claritin? A nose spray? My Dad uses a nose spray and it seems to work (but I don't know if he snores...)

8:02 AM

Blogger petite gourmand said...

I hear ya,
big daddy has become an allegra addict.
but it always seems to wear off right as we are going to bed.
the snorting, and gross sounds that he has been making are a total turn off.
but the snoring is maddening.
i now go to bed at least half and hour before him just so I can be well into a deep sleep before the games begin. (and I'm not talking about the fun ones!)

8:24 AM

Blogger HomeFireBlue said...

Agh! Evil Genius Husband is like this all freakin' year long! he can be asleep in six seconds and snores like a tornado coming through a trailer park!

I do have 2 suggestions:

1)Wave machine or CD that plays waves. Turn that bloody thing up and pretend you're sleeping on the beach. I even have a CD that plays thunderstorms. After sleeping with EGH I'm not surprised I can fall asleep to it.

2)If it gets horrible pinch his nostrils closed. Not 'til he suffocates or anything but ...

It may not help but it'll make you feel better! ;)


11:23 AM

Blogger Kristen said...

My solution has been sleeping on the floor. Seriously. I just roll out of bed (in a HUFF!), hoping to wake him up or at least disturb his sleep (as revenge for punishing me with his snoring, loud breathing and mouth noises)...and get on the floor with the blankets I get from the living room. No, I can't go to the couch- it hurts.

11:29 AM

Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Send him to the couch. If that's not an option, and he won't take allergy meds, get yourself a sleep aid...

BTW, Benadryl works for both allergies *and* helping out with the sleep... no drug pushing here... I'm just sayin'...

3:14 PM

Anonymous sween said...

Sigh. As the culprit in my own domestic Snore-A-Palooza, all I can say is I hope My Lovely Wife never reads these suggestions. Especially the nose-pinch. Because I think that she might get frustrated enough that the "Not 'til he suffocates or anything" phase might get longer and longer... and I do enjoy higher nrain function.

But I feel your pain.

5:28 AM

Blogger Not Jenny said...

My hubby snores, but then he says I snore too. The thing that saves our marriage is that he is a night owl while I am fighting to stay awake after 10:30. I am dead to the world by the time he comes to bed, then he sleeps so deeply that he says he hardly notices me. I just shove him over on his side so he is not facing me if it gets too bad.
I love Flonase when my nose gets really bad from allergies (like when I go visit a cat-owning friend).

6:00 AM

Blogger Ali said...

i'm a little mental when it comes to sleeping. i HAVE to fall asleep first.

and if the husband DARES to fall asleep before i do, i actually will wake him up so i can go to sleep. i'll poke him or pinch his nose or do something to him.

i'm a little bit evil, think :)

10:11 AM


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