Ok, so Friday night, I had a major meltdown. You know the kind. I was screaming at The Fiance things like, "You just don't understand," and, "You don't love me!"
As I was screaming, I was thinking in my head, "What ARE you going on about? You're making no sense!" And, "Maybe you should go back on those anti-depressants."
It was one of those meltdowns that came out of nowhere, and you have no idea how the fight started or why even you're screaming. All I know was that I was furious at The Fiance. And, also, that I don't remember what set me off.
It was the first time I cried in front of The Dictator, except for the fifteen minutes immediately after she was born, and I was crying tears of joy. (That was the very first time I actually cried tears of joy too!)
Don't get me wrong. I cry often. I like to cry (In fact, crying actually gets me things like doctors appointments and such) But it was the first time I cried hard in front of The Dictator.
The Dictator looked at me crying and came up to me and said, "Mommy you feel better now," and handed me a pretend bottle of milk (Exactly what I do when she cries - except I give her a real bottle.) And then she kept saying, "You feel better now. You feel better now," and giving me kisses on my face.
Then I was really crying.
I felt awful that The Dictator saw me crying. I mean, she was so worried. And, also, she was so sweet and kind, trying to cheer me up, that I started crying tears of guilt that I was crying in front of her. I think they were also tears of, I don't know, gratefulness that she was so understanding, even though she's only two.
I made myself stop crying and told The Dictator, "Yes, I feel better now. Mommy feels all better now." Then we played blocks and read books together.
It's stunning how in tune our children can become to our moods. I mean, not only was The Dictator worried, she tried to cheer me up. Maybe I am raising a kindhearted, empathetic, child!
I made up with The Fiance, later that evening, even though I don't remember what we were fighting about.
On Sunday, The Dictator had a major meltdown. We were at a birthday party of a kid in her music class. All the children were sitting around this big table, happily munching away on fruit, vegetables, and potato chips, when the mother brought in the cake with three candles on it.
Well, The Dictator didn't deal so well with that. She started screaming, "Where's my candles? Where's my candles?" and crying so hard and freaking out that you'd think I told her I hated Dora The Exploer and that all-things Dora were banned from the house.
And, yes, she was the only child screaming through the "Happy Birthday" song. Yikes!
Apparently, The Dictator doesn't really understand the concept of birthdays, and the fact you only get candles when it's yoiur birthday. Anyway.
We had to leave the birthday party, because The Dictator wouldn't stop her major meltdown. It was actually the first time she had a temper tantrum. So it was a weekend of firsts for both of us.
Man, can she cry hard! Hmm. I wonder where she gets that from.