Rebecca Eckler is one of Canada's most talked about newspaper columnists, the author of Knocked Up: Confessions of a Hip Mother to Be, which has been translated into nine languages. Also the author of the bestsellers, Wiped!, Toddlers Gone Wild, and Rotten Apple, the first in a YA series. Random thoughts on life in the competitive world of modern mommyhood. Blog will be loved by trendy mothers who still feel, or often feel, that the most important word in "mommee" is ME!

Monday, May 15, 2006

Low Frequency People...

My friend refers to these people as low-frequency people.

But, mostly, it's about low-frequency feelings.

About three months ago, or maybe four now, I made my twice yearly phone call to an ex boyfriend from high school (Or did we last until year one University?)

Honestly, it was the one relationship that ended well. I swear.

I only have nice thoughts about this young...oh wait...we're not so young But I do only have nice thoughts. He was funny, kind, cute and he was my first...Ok, this is a family blog. We really just grew apart. Or did he move to Vancouver? In any case, he was my first real love.

Whatever the case, we've kept in touch, about two or three times a year since the break up. We've been broken up now for, um, 13 years. In fact, there are some years that we hadn't spoken at all since the breakup. But then I'll pick up the phone, or he'll e-mail, and we'll have a nice chat and it's all very nice. See, I kind of like the dude. For someone I talk to twice a year.

Last time we spoke, he told me he was getting married. And I was like, um, WHAT?????

I also thought, "Well, I got engaged first, and I had a baby first and nananana-boo-boo!"

But it brought up these "low frequency" feelings. No, it's not jealousy. It's not that I have feelings for this dude. It's been 13 years! Maybe 10 per cent of it is that he's supposed to be pining for me forever. But I don't even think that's it. (After all, I did get engaged first and had a baby first, nananana-boo-boo.)

I think mostly it's a big reminder of time gone by or something, kind of like looking at your junior high year book and reading what your best friend wrote to you and you're like, "Stacy? Who's that? I don't remember being best friends with a Stacy."

Or maybe, because he was my first true love, I feel protective of him. Which is ridiculous. Or maybe it's the same feeling you get when you break up with someone and they get married before you, and have a baby before you (And, you know, that sucks) but not exactly the same because I got engaged first and had a baby first and nanana-boo-boo.

I was happy for him...And I was also...Well, I had low-frequency feelings.

Anyway, I just left him a message, "Hey. It's me. I think you got married two or three months ago. Call me. I want to know the dets."

I guess what it really means is that we're over. But I got engaged first and had the ba - ok, you get the point.


Blogger Paige said...

I feel the same way about my high school "sweetheart"-- we've now been broken up for longer than we dated (four years) but I feel like he still needs to secretly be in love with me.

Considering we edit our twice-yearly conversations to exclude any mention of current romance, maybe we are both victim to low-frequency feelings...

...I think a lot of ex-lovers are the same way.

4:15 PM

Anonymous olivia said...

we've had a similar week. my first love and ex-boyfriend from college just emailed me last week to tell me that he's getting married. i also got married first nanana-boo-boo, but the news stirred up some mild feelings of discomfort, sadness, and regret that we never did hook up again after the breakup (nearly 13 yrs ago). i guess you never get over your first love entirely, especially if it ended well (which it did, in my case). low-frequency feelings seem pretty common.

7:39 PM

Blogger jess said...

"low frequency" sometimes just means "we are pretending to still be friends because neither one of us is quite ready to give up the ghost of those days when we used to (fill in the blank)"

my husband has a lot of those.

10:51 PM

Blogger jess said...

by the way, i really enjoy your blog. i feel like we share a lot in common (being journalists, freelancers, hip mothers, bloggers, and thel like) and i can relate to what you have to say. thanks for you contribution to the blogosphere!

10:55 PM

Blogger Mega Mom said...

I've come to realize that because my family reads my blog, I don't write about some topics. This is one of them.

My first love and I were absolutely the wrong people for one another. We dated for 4 years and then hooked up for an additional 4 or 5 until I met my husband. We just had that chemistry that couldn't be denied. When I see him in person, he does nothing for me, but when I think about our past, it is so strong.

Grey's Anatomy just about killed me last night. It reminded me of those incredible pangs that you get with a lover. I'm SO glad to see I'm not alone with this.

And I'll have 4 kids before he has one. NANANA-BOO-BOO!

5:10 AM

Blogger Laural Dawn said...

I love my "low frequency" ex-boyfriend. We still talk and write, but it's very much platonic.
Still, when I talk to him I always think about what a good person he is, and what a cool guy he has become. There should definitely be a rule that ex-boyfriends are not allowed to progress to any stage in life before you do.
But, I would freak out if he got married. I think. Or maybe I would be okay with it. I don't know.

7:03 AM

Blogger sunshine scribe said...

"Low Frequency" ... I love that. I have struggled to find the words to describe my friendship with my first.

We had a similar conversation when he told me he was getting married .. but ya somehow it felt better that I did it first.

8:02 AM

Blogger Fidget said...

it's almost like some kind of a loss, knowing they have ACTUALLY moved on enough to bond with someone else. It's like a death of some family member you havent seen in 10 years but they always sent you a twenty on your birthday. It's not earth shattering, but it's different... just remember you got engaged and had a..well i think you remember that part

9:57 AM

Blogger Ashley said...

Yeah it's definitely a competition.. I mean, you always have to be the one dating/getting married/having a baby first...

10:54 AM

Blogger Kristen said...

I had those feelings for 4 1/2 years about the Boyfriend. We dated in high school and then broke up. Through those few years I'd hear about his girlfriends and SEETHE! When we ended up finally getting together, it turns out we were still in love! I guess that's why my feelings were SEETHING instead of low frequency, lol.

Off topic, I can't wait for tonight with Idol! I am PRAYING that you are wrong about Katharine. Can you vote from Canada? Vote for Elliott if you can! LOL.

12:23 PM

Blogger MommyWithAttitude said...

I sort of know what you mean. For me it's more like no one should ever actually GET OVER me. ME! I'm sure he's at least secretly pining for you just a little bit. ;)

1:17 PM

Blogger Cindy said...

I had a friend like that. He was my best guy friend and we rode the bus together every day to our farms because we were neighbors. We always had these feelings and chemistry although nothing ever really happened. But we both knew how we felt about the other.

However when I told him I was getting married, he said he'd come and then he never showed. I assume that he just couldn't bear to see me marry someone other than him. That's what I tell myself anyway. I think I'd be crushed if he ever actually moved on. He's supposed to love me forever, no matter what.

12:48 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do guys feel this way about their 'Low Frequency Friends' too?

7:49 AM

Blogger kittenpie said...

I think it's the death of the backup plan you're regretting there. It's nice to have someone out there who could be plan B, not that you ever plan to use it, but you know... it's nice to have it there. I had the same thing some long time ago.

11:11 AM


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