Rebecca Eckler is one of Canada's most talked about newspaper columnists, the author of Knocked Up: Confessions of a Hip Mother to Be, which has been translated into nine languages. Also the author of the bestsellers, Wiped!, Toddlers Gone Wild, and Rotten Apple, the first in a YA series. Random thoughts on life in the competitive world of modern mommyhood. Blog will be loved by trendy mothers who still feel, or often feel, that the most important word in "mommee" is ME!

Monday, August 21, 2006

Tushies, Tattoos, and Truth

So it's no secret (or at least not now) that I have two tattoos. One on my ass. One on my ankle.

The one on my ass I like. It has meaning. It's small. And, plus, it's on my ass so even when I turn 70 and am wrinkly, who the hell will be looking at my ass?

I like the one on my ass as well, because no one gets to see it unless I show it to them. I mean, it's completely covered by bikini bottoms and other unmentionables.

The one on my ankle, well, don't like it so much. For one thing, it's ugly. It was a bad tattoo job. I regret it. I will get it removed one of these days.

So, the other day, while I was taking a shower, The Dictator was peaking at me behind the shower curtain.

Now, she usually showers with me, but sometimes it's just easier, and quicker, for me to shower by myself. Now I can just tell her, "You don't want to shower with me because the shampoo hurts your eyes, right?"

Because that's what she always says, rather cries. Anyway, when we don't shower together, she usually hangs with me in the washroom (Even when Nanny is around) and we chit chat.

The other day, she was looking at me in the shower and said, "Mommy, what's on your bum?"

Which gave me a pause.

I mean, I always imagined myself as the type of mother who is all about the truth. You want to know what that is? Well, that's a nipple. Half the time, The Dictator walks around saying stuff like, "I don't have a bra."

But, you know, I really didn't want my almost three year-old knowing about tattoos. Funny how that happens. I think I'll be okay if, one day, she wants her belly button pierced. Like when she's 17.

But tattoos? Nu-huh. I mean, frankly, I don't mind the idea of tattoos. On other people who are not my daughter. The problem is one usually regrets getting them. And, you only start to regret them a couple years after you get them, when you're older.

I'm a complete mother now, thinking, "No way is The Dictator going to get a tattoo because she'll regret it. No way is my daughter going to mark up her perfectly perfect skin."

So my answer was, "It's a sticker!"

To which The Dictator responded, "I want a sticker on my bum too."

To which I responded, "OK, you can have a sticker on your bum."

Thankfully, she's only almost three, which means her attention span is like a fleas. She forgot all about the "I want a sticker on my bum too," when she saw one of my OB tampons.

I mean, thank god she didn't ask what that was. I'm so not ready for that conversation.


Anonymous BC Fan said...

lol, luckily my tattoos are meaningful (one has my son's name) I told him he can get piercings but no tattoos till he's 37 and 3/4.
I also told him he can have a multi coloured mowhawk if he wants cause it's only hair and you can cut it off right?
Well, he's 9 now and so far has no piercings or wild hair.....yet.

2:22 PM

Blogger Ali said...

i've always liked the idea of having a tattoo. there's something super sexy about an appropriately placed and sized and shaped tattoo on a woman. lower back? sexy. ankle? sexy. ass? sexy.

i'm just way too chicken.
what if i hate it?
what if it hurts like hell?
what if my mother would shoot me down dead if i got one? (yes, i'm married and have three children of my own, but i'm still a little scared of my mother...)
what if my daughter thinks it's okay to get one because i have one? which she, 100% would, since she already wants one because her whore barbie (that, for the record, was bought by same said tattoo-hating mother) has tattooes....on her freakin' nipples.

7:45 PM

Blogger Haley-O said...

adorable! :) Ohh, the things I have to look forward to! (I don't have a tatoo on my butt, but, you know what I mean!)

8:09 PM

Blogger Not Jenny said...

My mom got her first tattoo for her 50th birthday--I am going to tell my kids that is when they can get their first tattoos too. My tattoo needs fixing--two pregnancies has not been kind to it!!

6:45 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Being the proud owner of three tattoos on my upper arms (similar to the bum - you see them if I choose to show them) and the son of a mother you would assume would lay my existence to waste when she discovered them, I felt the need to comment.

First, when I told my mom about them she made the most surprising and best comment I have ever heard about tattoos/piercings: "Well, I gave you your body; whatever stupid shit you decide to do with it after that is up to you." (Note that my mother rarely swears; the use of "shit was for effect.) She didn't like it, and when I happen to have one visible, she may indicate that she doesn't like them, but ultimately they're mine on me.

As for my daughter, she knows what they are ("tadooo", right now) and that Daddy and Auntie (my sister) have them. One day she will grow up and decide for herself whether or not she wants one. I've chosen my mom's approach to this (how scary that is, you will never know) but my wife on the other hand... well, she probably has a more similar position to yours.

12:18 PM

Anonymous mothergoosemouse said...

Temporary tattoos. I'll send you some that have beautiful hibiscuses and say "Mommy BlogHer". CJ had one on her shoulder last week.

1:30 PM

Anonymous wendy boucher said...

Hilarious. I haven't had the tampon discussion with my daughter yet either and she's seven. At three? No freakin' way. But I really should start filling Girlie in about the female reproductive system. Next year.

4:45 PM

Blogger MommyWithAttitude said...

I have a tattoo on my ankle that I keep meaning to get removed too... it SEEMED like the best place at the time.... Now it just seems so stupid to have it there (doesn't help that I don't really like what it "means" anymore...).

I will definitely be discouraging tattoos too.

4:55 PM

Blogger Petite Mom Blogger said...

LOL. I dont have any tattoos and no plans to get any but my hubs has several. Our boys always pretend to get tattoos with stickers and markers.

7:48 AM

Blogger Julie Julie Bo Boolie said...

Temporary tattoos usually get me out of that scrape.. course my eldest is 5 now and that makes a huge difference.

3:06 PM

Blogger Jennifer P said...

Oh god, never even thought about that conversation. Thanks for having it first and giving me ammo for when my little one asks me that question.

6:03 PM


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