Rebecca Eckler is one of Canada's most talked about newspaper columnists, the author of Knocked Up: Confessions of a Hip Mother to Be, which has been translated into nine languages. Also the author of the bestsellers, Wiped!, Toddlers Gone Wild, and Rotten Apple, the first in a YA series. Random thoughts on life in the competitive world of modern mommyhood. Blog will be loved by trendy mothers who still feel, or often feel, that the most important word in "mommee" is ME!

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

How do you say LOSER in French?

Help...yet again.

So I've been in Provence for three days now. The Fiance booked me a ticket that I could continue to Italy, with him, or if I decided that I miss The Dictator too much in Provence, I could come back to Canada and not go to Italy and he would go on without me.

I knew the minute I left my Canadian door that I would not be going to Italy. Which sucks, because I've never been. Anyway..

I love Provence. I love the food, the heat, the beautiful countryside. I am thinking about building a place here. (Or maybe I'm thinking about how cool it would be to run into Johnny Depp...)

I missed The Dictator as soon as we were being driven to the airport. I didn't want to break it to The Fiance that, as soon as we walked into our beautiful hotel, I wanted him to call our travel agent and make sure I get back on a flight to Canada on Sunday.

Am I a loser or what? How do you say LOSER in French? I mean, am I a LOSER for missing her so much?

I used to love traveling. Seriously. I could go away for months and be fine with it. I rarely got homesick. In fact, I knew The Fiance was the one for me, because he's the only person I could stand to be with (this was pre-Dictator) for more than 24 hours, without the urge to run out the door and never come back.

Though it seems like I confess my every sin, I'm actually a very private person. I do not like people knowing where I am (in fact, ahem, at my old job at the old place I worked at, I'd actually be far, far away without telling any of my editors where I was...Thank god for technology! I'd save up all my interviews, hop on a plane, and file from...well, a lot of different places.)

Anyway, I'm at the point in my life, where I still have a boss or too, but can now be an honest to goodness full time book writer, and can go where I want, when I want. And I've never wanted to be home so bad. Actually, I've never wanted to be with The Dictator so bad.

The only place I want to be right now is where The Dictator is.

It's the time difference thing. I can't deal with it. Every morning I wake up here, and wait until 4 p.m., to call The Dictator at 8 a.m. her time. And then I wait for a call from her at 1 a.m. this time, waiting up for her call.

I e-mailed with a male friend, who doesn't have children, who wrote to me that The Fiance would be pissed with me because I didn't want to go to Italy with him, and wanted to come home early to be with The Dictator.

I wrote back, after heading to Cannes, that it was a "mommy thing" and he couldn't understand. Even The Fiance doesn't feel the same type of missing I feel.

Though it is beautiful here, and I'm trying to relax. I can't. I have a knot in my stomach at all times. "Is The Dictator enjoying camp?" "Are the counselors making sure she eats?" "Is she wearing suntan lotion?" "Is she happy?"

I literally have thoughts like, "Well, Italy will always be there, but The Dictator will only be 2 years, 10 months, and 7 days just once!"

So, yes, I'm coming home after Provence. I've decided that there will be no more vacations, longer than 7 days, without The Dictator.

I'm not that person anymore.

24 Comments:

Blogger Gabriella said...

That's a sweet sacrifice you're making for The Dictator, but who can blame you!!! It's hard being away from your child. Amd you're right Italy will always be there. One day you can both go, imagine that going to Italy when she's old enough to see the sights and to shop with you!!!
Enjoy your time in France though!

2:16 PM

 
Blogger Mother Bumper said...

I hear you... I would miss Bumper so much that it would hurt. And I haven't even tried it yet. Be strong. Yes, Italy will always be there but the Dictator will only be small once.

Oh yeah, if you see Johnny, kiss him for me, would ya?

3:59 PM

 
Blogger Pendullum said...

It is hard...
and next time take the Dictator...
Different type of travelling...
But it is fun nonetheless...
I was the same... and now just incorporate her in our travels...

No nightlife... But we do have great times...
and whenever we really splurge at a 5 star hotel we hire a babysitter through the hotel and we go out for an adult dinner...
It's only a few hours of her life dealing with a stranger... but it has worked out for us...

4:03 PM

 
Blogger York Region Baby said...

Wait unti the dictator and you can go shopping at Parda together -- that will be a fun trip to Italy. Have fun in France!!

4:56 PM

 
Blogger Cindy said...

There really is no point whatsover in staying if you aren't even partially enjoying yourself.

You can always go back to Italy another time because money is not really an issue for you. And maybe you can bring her with you next time. Then you will have a blast and not be worried about her 24/7.

Try to enjoy yourself even if it's just a little. If not for you, do it for those of us who will probably never have the chance or finances to go.

5:54 PM

 
Blogger Amanda said...

It is so incredible how children can change our life the minute they enter in the world. Good for you for following your gut!

6:20 PM

 
Anonymous Mama C-ta said...

It's tough isn't it?? I JUST went away for a measley 12 hours from my son for the first time a few weeks ago and it was torture. I can't do it and yet we're often made to feel like we should want to. I don't have that desire. Definitely not that person anymore ;) Hope you do enjoy some of your time there.

6:43 PM

 
Anonymous mothergoosemouse said...

When we went to Greece/Turkey, we never called Miss Goosie. It would have upset her. I think it's awesome that you can chat with The Dictator without her freaking out entirely.

That said, I understand. Yes, Italy will be there. And you will have another opportunity to go.

I just hope you'll share some pics of Provence when you return. French countryside, ooh la la!

7:26 PM

 
Blogger Blog-o-licious said...

Oh my goodness, just run home and get her and go back....SURPRISE! She'll love Italy,
Ciao!

8:10 PM

 
Blogger Haley-O said...

Aww.... I feel for you! And, I think it's totally to-be-expected that you feel this way. I mean, the monkey is sleeping in her bed and, after reading your post, I want to cry and hug her! I can't imagine being so far away from her--at least not now (she's only 1 though, so I still have separation issues...). It's great, though, for you to get away with your fiance. A little "me" and romance time...(and Provence! lucky you!).

8:55 PM

 
Blogger Jen said...

My husband and I just spend our first night away from our 18 month old daughter last month. One night. 18 hours. And I missed her. So if you are a loser - guess I am too!

7:17 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In french looser is "perdant" or you could say "tellement plate".

Bon séjour en France !
Une grande fan de votre blogue et de vos chroniques

7:44 AM

 
Blogger pmb said...

If you run into Johnny Depp do two things:
1. Give him the biggest & best kiss of youf life for you (and all the girls out here)cuz he is smoking hot!!
2. Take a pic and post it so we all can see.

Have fun in France. Maybe you and the dictator can do Italy together when she's older a la Loreli & Rory of the Gilmore Girls.

10:52 AM

 
Blogger Megan said...

I don't have any kids (yet!) and it blows me away that someday I will feel that way about a child of my own. It's exciting and scary at the same time. Thanks for sharing!

10:59 AM

 
Blogger Bon Appetit! said...

Now this I understand... I was just in Provence traveling with my little 2 year old daughter. While it was a difficult trip with her in tow, I cannot imagine how much harder it would have been without her there. We haven't been apart more than two nights since she was born. Some mommies can break away from their little ones... others can't.

11:02 AM

 
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

So NOT a loser. A MOMMY.

A sweet one.

12:20 PM

 
Blogger THETHINKINGSQUARE said...

Follow your heart! There will be plenty of time for travel when your daughter is older.

1:11 PM

 
Blogger metro mama said...

I don't think I could leave Cakes for more than a week. I bet I could manage a week though.

Try to enjoy Provence!

2:46 PM

 
Blogger Ali said...

you are such a mommy, Rebecca :)

first you let her barf on you, then you gush about her, and then you come home early for her??!!

it's amazing how much having a child affects your life. in a good way, of course. in a great way.

3:54 PM

 
Anonymous Nancy said...

It's a shame you had to cut your trip short, but I understand needing to be with your child. Hope you make it home safe (if you're not back already) -- as others have said, there will be more chances to travel in the future.

4:38 PM

 
Blogger Kristin said...

My kids are 9, 8 and 2 and I am with you... I just don't think I could do a week+ away from them. Now, a long weekend absolutely!!

Au Revoir!

11:52 PM

 
Blogger MommyWithAttitude said...

You're not a loser. You're a mommy. Being a mommy often FEELS like being a loser... but it's NOT the same thing. I promise.

I'm still working on a fiction book review (I never have time to read), but in the meantime I inadvertently have some of my own fiction posted. Come and see it!

12:02 AM

 
Blogger Beastarzmom said...

Took us more than 20 years to get away for a week (for our 28th anniversary - and I know most people don't even have kids around anymore at that point, but not us...), and truthfully, it just wasn't that much fun. We kept thinking about how much little K would have loved the pool, and big K would have had a great time on the ATVs, etc. etc. It was just cheaper. I can live without cheaper. Can't live without the kids.

12:15 PM

 
Blogger Mom101 said...

I love this post. For all the trolls who thought you somehow unkind for vacationing sans bebe (which I'm all for), it's the softer side of Eckler. I like this you, a lot.

8:02 PM

 

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