Rebecca Eckler is one of Canada's most talked about newspaper columnists, the author of Knocked Up: Confessions of a Hip Mother to Be, which has been translated into nine languages. Also the author of the bestsellers, Wiped!, Toddlers Gone Wild, and Rotten Apple, the first in a YA series. Random thoughts on life in the competitive world of modern mommyhood. Blog will be loved by trendy mothers who still feel, or often feel, that the most important word in "mommee" is ME!

Monday, September 18, 2006

Know a Spell?

For changing my luck?

Seriously. I've been in a bad state recently. I can't shake it. Bad things keep happening to me.

Rather, people keep disappointing me.

The fiance always says, in not so many words, that I do not live in reality.

He's been saying this for years. Basically, that I expect to much from people and the world is a shitty place. Of course, he's a lawyer and that's a very competitive industry with a bunch of not-so-nice people who can argue very well. Maybe it is shitty to work in a law office.

But I work by myself...

Anyway, OK, maybe its true that I expect a lot from people, but I don't think so. And I'm still in a shitty state whether I have expectations or not. And I don't think they're high expectations just, you know, common courtesy.

So many little bad things have happened to me lately that I can't help but start to think it's me. It's me and my luck. Yes, these are little things, but they all add up you know? They all add up to me being in a shitty, depressed state. I hate being depressed.

First, the nanny-thief incident really affected me. I've been depressed about that for days. I know I should be happy that I got my stuff back, but still...I feel like I don't have a good grasp on humans. My judgement is all off.

Then a friend of mine was very rude to me, calling me and then basically hanging up on me when someone *more important* (more important than me? What the fuck?) walked up to him. It was so rude that I refused to take his calls for a week.

I mean, you can't talk, then don't call until you have time! Ok, I know this is all lame, but it disappointed me.

Then another friend disappointed me because I always thought they were so confident, so successful, had everything, but then they leave a message basically asking me if I thought they were awesome. Does this make sense? I mean, who asks a person if they think that they are awesome?

It disappointed me because, though I know everyone has bouts of insecurity, I just didn't see it coming. Is the whole world insecure? I mean, that sucks.

Then my friend is going through an awful break-up and I tell you, I'm stunned by human nature and how awful this man was to her. It depressed me too because my friend is so depressed and this guy was such a jerk. It depressed me, because I think I have a fairly good handle on men, but this story just freaked me out. I had never heard of a man being so mean.

Then, another person I know, I think is lying to me about something and I can't deal. Rather, it's not so much a lie as just not telling the truth and I don't know how to deal with people like that anymore. Do the games ever end?

So, in the past two weeks, I've had a thief, a rude person, a maybe-liar, a very insecure person. a sad friend, and I can't help but think that something has got to change...

So, if you know a spell where I have to cut off a chunk of hair and mix it with some spice and say a spell, let me know...


Anonymous ali said... you think i'm awesome??

kidding, of course.
i could not, in a million years, no matter how shitty my self image was, ever imagine asking anyone that. even a best friend.

i think you need to go for drinks. they're on me :)

1:54 PM

Blogger Kirsty said...

i can't believe the last 24 hours... my sis' wedding was on sat (which was awesome), but we had 4 relatives from England over and my aunt accussed us of being bad hosts, when we decided last night we couldn't take them out for dinner, as we had to take Liam to the hospital, with what turns out is a semi-serious eye condition... thanks alot...i feel for your rebecca

2:08 PM

Anonymous wendy boucher said...

I only know how to mix drinks, not spells, but then they work the same kind of magic. Too bad drinks wear off by midnight and you turn back into a pumpkin.

Hope it all gets better.

3:03 PM

Blogger George said...

Rebecca ... look at it this way ... you just got rid of a whol year's bad in just 2 weeks. Can it get worse ... hope not.

4:53 PM

Blogger Cindy said...

I feel your pain. I am let down by others on a very regular basis. I was also beginning to think it was just my luck.

Wish I could help you.

12:28 AM

Anonymous no place like it said...

i guess it's when we have bad stuff going on that we recognise the good stuff?


what's the weather like? my mom said it snowed in Calgary. maybe that has something to do with it? i find my funks are weather-related. surprising i'm chipper at all during a parisian winter. it rains all. the. time!

12:55 AM

Blogger Laural Dawn said...

That sucks. Shitty things always happen in groups - and then they always run into each other.
I'm having a week like that too. Except not as monumental. But still bad enough that I would like to hide in a corner and cry for a bit.

7:39 AM

Blogger Gabriella said...

Sometimes you can never figure people out. Eventually things get better, I know corny but it's true. And as Ali said above you should go out with a friend and have a few drinks and relax, either that or take Rowan out to have fun!

8:58 AM

Anonymous Kristen said...

I'm sorry- no spell- I wish I could help. I hate it when someone is depressed and I can't help! I also hate it when I'm pretty sure someone is lying but I can't prove it. I just can't stand liars really. I'm on your side- you don't expect too much- you just expect honesty and respect. That is NOT too much to ask.

9:11 AM

Blogger Rodicon said...

I swing sticks at people (while I dodge sticks being swung at me). Some how, engaging in a little brutality seems to drain out the negativity (frustration) that builds up about people and their games.

I tend to think our mental evolution stops at highschool and that programing more or less follows you around the rest of your life. So, yes the games continue. That and perhaps a society as affluent as ours has too much free time and the only option then is to create drama.

11:21 AM

Blogger little miss sunshine said...

FYI..... I have just stumbled upon your blog and I love it! I am no where near to having a baby grow inside of me, but I still find it enjoyable!!!!

2:12 PM

Blogger Ashley said...

I kind of know how you feel.
But I actaully do as well, expect a lot from people, and right now believe that society is a shitty place.
Keep your head up, doll.

3:36 PM

Blogger Mom101 said...

Nate and I ALWAYS have this discussion, because I too feel constantly disappointed by the world. People are imperfect. It's we who have to temper our expectations - not they who have to live up to our standards.

It seems that in the scheme of things, the nanny incident aside, these are not big deals. Or, as my mother says "Will this matter one year from now? Five years from now? If not, let it go." Good advice, I think.

7:09 PM

Blogger Jenn said...

you know, I hate being disappointed by people.
I hate people being rude.
I hate people stealing.
I hate people lying.
and I really really don't like people who are blatently insecure. Geez, everyone has insecure moments, but the people who constantly need their ego stroked make me want to punch them in the face.
Sorry, I'm having issues lately with a "needing their ego stroked constantly" person.
My husband thinks I just don't like people.
thats not true.
I like people.
I just don't like stupidity, insecurity, lying, thieving or bad drivers.
Sadness I can handle, in small doses. constantly sad is too much for me. Maybe I'm shallow, or fickle, but I have enough stress in my life, I don't need other people adding to it unnecessarily.

8:11 AM

Blogger primetimetvaddict said...

I'm afraid I'm on the fiance's side with this - I stopped having expectations about most people. Long story, but a very brutal best friend betrayal in grade 12 changed me that way forever. On the other hand, my good friend Shannon always sees the best in people - even when they are really shitty to her. And afterwards she always says she just wants to believe that people are genuinely good. That childlike faith in people is one of the things I like the best about her. So don't lose it. Maybe if more people had high expectations for those around them the world wouldn't be in the state it's in.

7:32 PM

Blogger Accidental Lawyer said...

After a run of crappy stuff like that, I always figure that things can only start looking up soon... that's nearly always what happens, so hang in there, Rebecca.

And no, not all lawyers are hyper-competitive assholes -- only some. However, I would venture to say that many of us adopt a jaded, cynical view of life after several years of practive. Hard not to.

10:32 PM

Anonymous DavidR said...

I have had 2 employees steal from me...
I installed a punching bag in my basement.
O.k. that might have been a 'male' reaction but I still use it when I need to blow some steam and my usual workout is not enough!
Hang in there!

11:26 AM

Blogger Food Mum said...

No magic spells here, only a different perspective which may or may not help. A lot that sounds like it is the other persons baggage, which you don't need to carry for them - rude friend, insecure friend, sad friend, liar friend have to deal with their issues - you can sympathise but can't do it for them. So that leaves you with the thief, which would piss me off too.

And if all this amateur psychology is total rubbish I won't be offended if you delete this altogether.
Hope life gets better soon

1:34 PM

Blogger Ashley said...

Woah!! I lost the link for your blog in the move from work to school and now I'm just catching up. School! Stealing! Disappointment! Oh dear!! I hope that things are turning around soon.

4:53 PM


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