Rebecca Eckler is one of Canada's most talked about newspaper columnists, the author of Knocked Up: Confessions of a Hip Mother to Be, which has been translated into nine languages. Also the author of the bestsellers, Wiped!, Toddlers Gone Wild, and Rotten Apple, the first in a YA series. Random thoughts on life in the competitive world of modern mommyhood. Blog will be loved by trendy mothers who still feel, or often feel, that the most important word in "mommee" is ME!

Friday, March 31, 2006

Stupid Quality Time

So, tomorrow I'm leaving to Arizona, to spend a month on a "working vacation." And I'm freaking out.

Why? Because The Dictator isn't joining The Fiance and I for one week. One whole week! She'll be staying behind with Nanny Mimi, so The Fiance and I can spend some stupid quality time together. And then Nanny Mimi will get on a plane and bring The Dictator to me!

Ok, I know it's important to spend quality time with your partner without The Baby, and I want to, I do, it's just that I already miss The Dicator so much. And we haven't even left.

The first time I left The Dictator was when she was about four months old. She spent a night at my parent's house. I called them every 20 minutes. "So what's she doing now?" I'd ask, when I called. "She's still sleeping." I would call back, twenty minutes later, and ask, "So what's she doing now?" And they'd respond, "Still sleeping."

It felt like three months had gone by, by the time The Dictator returned 14 hours later.

But now that The Dictator is like an actual human - she speaks! she has serious bowel movements! - I know I'll miss her so much, that I actually am aching for her already.

I met a woman, in a pool in Hawaii, on vacation last year, who left her baby after three weeks! It was her second child, so I guess she was a tad more laid back in leaving on a vacation alone with her husband, even though her child was only 21 days old.

And, my best mother friend, who has four children, says she didn't leave her first born alone, even to go out for an evening for a year. By her fourth child, she was going out after a week, without her baby.

But I'm going to try and enjoy the "quality time" with The Fiance. I'm going to try to enjoy the fact that I'll be able to sleep in and not worry about The Dictator crying out at night. I'm going to try....

In fact, the last three nights, in preparation for leaving The Dictator, I've been sleeping with her in her bed., much to the dismay of The Fiance. I know, I know. What can I say? When it comes to leaving my baby behind for a week, I turn into a real baby.


Blogger sunshine scribe said...

I am the worst about leaving my son. The WORST. I had to laugh about the sleeping with her in prep for your trip - I did the same thing before we went a way for the weekend for the first time when my son was almost 2 and my husband was like ... WTF?

She's lucky to have a mom that loves her so much. You and your Fiance will hopefully have some good times and just picture how crazy happy her face will be when you see her as she gets off that plane.

10:20 PM

Blogger chichimama said...

You'll have a great time once you are there. Getting ready to leave is the hardest.

4:51 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

My husband and I recently went to Puerto Vallarta for a week, leaving my 18 month old son Bennett at home with my parents. Leaving him was incredibly difficult and I was bawling when I said good-bye. The first couple of days in Mexico I wanted to call home every hour to check on him (my husband restrained me), but by the third day I was saying, "Bennett who?" Hubby and I had a fantastic time and Bennett had a blast with his grandparents. At the end of the week I was ready to go home and it was so good to see him when we got back.

7:27 AM

Blogger Sheena said...

I spent a few days at the Westin Paloma in Tucson last fall and it was fabulous. Have fun, enjoy your ME time. Don't forget to blog while you're gone. I'm heading to New Mexico for the week, maybe we can do dueling desert diaries.

8:32 AM

Blogger Jenn said...

Oh, I feel your pain. I'm leaving or Puerto Rico on Thursday to spend some time with my Sweet Baboo (he's working there right now), and I'll be leaving Miss Mary behind for 2 weeks. TWO whole weeks. I've never been away from her for more than about 8 hours, and if I think about how long I'm going to be separated, I get all teary eyed. I don't even want to think about the bawling (and not hers) when I leave her with my Dad to get on the plane.

9:13 AM

Blogger kittenpie said...

I know, it's like they are part of your body, it feels so physical. Every once in a while I feel that way when I need to work a Saturday. Just thinking she'll be at home doing all her things without me. I did go away for one quickie 24 hour trip last fall, and it was so quick and so harried that once the plane landed, I didn't have time to miss her, but it was so tough to think about before I left and I was so happy to kiss her sweet face again when I got home! It was sort of the perfect little bite of me time.

10:17 AM

Blogger Cindy said...

Well, have fun and enjoy the weather. Lucky girl. Just try not to think about it. Which is hard, but I'm sure you'll manage.

10:25 AM

Anonymous Beverlee said...

I am just now reclaiming parts of my former self. My kids are 13 and 16. I now know that I didn't do enough of that kind of thing for myself (and my partner). By giving time and space for yourself, you are going to be a more balanced and happier person for your daughter. Of course we all know what we're supposed to do. It is difficult sometimes though!

2:07 PM

Anonymous Sara B! said...

Heading to NYC all by myself next week and leaving both kiddies (well, and hubby). The worst thing (almost) is everyone asking "oh, you're leaving them. how can you do that? how will you cope?" - okay not adding to my stresss at all! Give her big hugs and have a great time!

2:25 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Re Mr. Eckler, March 10 blog, Mr. Eckler is 66 years young, and not 68 years old. Regardless, we still enjoy your articles. Keep up the great work.

7:51 AM

Blogger Jenn said...

Hey, my oldest is 4 and I've never spent a night away from him - except to have his younger brother, and again for his other younger brother - but that's it.
Not for lack of trying though ;) - Believe me, I'd like to go on a vacation, somewhere warm, and child free - just can't find anyone willing to watch my own little dictators for a week! I can only expect so much of my parents.....I want to stay on good terms - you know for the inheritance ;) j/k.

4:36 PM

Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Have a GREAT time.

(Have just returned from getaway with WonderBaby, and would *kill* for a solo vacay. But I absolutely know that although that's easy to wish for, it's a lot harder in practice)

So, again, have a great time.

6:45 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know, I'm a good mom, I really am.

But I went back to work when my son was sixteen weeks old (somebody has to pay the bills) and I have never, ever hesitated to leave him for a few nights.

He routinely spends the weekend at his grandparents house (even vacations with them), loves to stay over with friends (he's four).

I'm a single mom and not only do I need the break, but I feel that little children just get too attached to their parents and a some distance is good for perspective on both sides.

And I wholeheartedly think that parents (when there are two of them)should do the same.

You know they can survive without us and the sooner they learn that lesson - the better of everyone is.

6:57 AM

Blogger Heather said...

We just returned home and celebrated my husbands b-day. I arranged for a big dinner party and have my parents watch Miles for a few hours (9 months). Well it took about an hour and a half and I was calling home. I tried to be strong, but snuck the cell into the washroom and called home. I bit the bullet and fessed up to everyone at the table. Yes, they laughed at me.

9:41 AM


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