Rebecca Eckler is one of Canada's most talked about newspaper columnists, the author of Knocked Up: Confessions of a Hip Mother to Be, which has been translated into nine languages. Also the author of the bestsellers, Wiped!, Toddlers Gone Wild, and Rotten Apple, the first in a YA series. Random thoughts on life in the competitive world of modern mommyhood. Blog will be loved by trendy mothers who still feel, or often feel, that the most important word in "mommee" is ME!

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Not So Pretty Pictures...

So my house is featured in Canadian House and Home, this month's April issue.

The house looks great. I mean, really. It looks better in the photos than it actually does in reality, which is I guess is what happens when, um, you know, someone cleans your house before photos are taken and puts fresh flowers in every room (which does not happen in my house every day...or any day.)

But enough about the house. I have bigger issues.

Like the friggen photo of me in the magazine. Maybe it's true that people always think photos of them suck, but I'm telling you this photo of me bites. It sucks!

They first sent me the shots a couple months ago. But the photo I opened on my e-mail was the size of a stamp. I was like, "OK, I can deal with that. It's so small nobody can even see it." It was too good to be true.

I knew it was bad before I even saw the magazine. I'm in Calgary, and might as well be in Turkey, because we get all our magazines way after the rest of the county...or at least Toronto, the centre of the world. (Or Canada.)

"A full size picture of you!" my mother screamed into the phone. Immediately my heart sank. I knew it couldn't be good. I mean, I don't own any makeup. I never wear makeup. I found some lip gloss I put on before the photo. But, hey, there was no make up artist hanging around my house the day of the photo shoot.

Then it got worse. Another friend from Toronto said he saw the photo in the magazine.

"Just tell me. Do I look fat?" I asked, because I'm a girl and that's what we ask.

"No, you don't look fat. You look..."

"What??????"

"I'm not even going to say it," my friend answered.

Ok, I knew it was really bad. My friend couldn't even bring himself to lie to me and throw out even a, "Well, it's not your best picture. But it's not that bad."

At that point, I still hadn't seen the magazine.

I called my friend the next day, obsessed about this photo of me that seemingly all of Toronto was calling me about (Well, they were calling about the house) that I hadn't seen yet.

"OK, just tell me. Is it my nose? Does my nose look big?" I asked him.

"Well, in all the time I've known you," he admitted, "I never once thought you had a big nose. But it's the angle of the photo," he said. "Yes, you're nose looks big."

#(%&(#%(#!!!!!!

"Oh man!" I moaned. "Well, next month I'll be bird cage lining anyway."

Many of you ninepounddictator readers know I have issues with my nose. I mean, if I could be guaranteed to look like Ashlee SImpson post-her-nose-job, then I would do it. I would get a nose job.

Ok, I so would NOT get a nose job. Plastic surgery scares the crap out of me.

But still. I finally got my hands on a copy of the magazine. What can I say? It's a photo only a mother could be proud of.

There's me (and my honker) my daughter (Who looks super cute) and my dog (Who, actually, is the most photogenic of all of us.)

And my nose....my nose....my nose....

Then, yesterday, I got an e-mail from a woman who I went to hebrew school with about 20 years ago and haven't seen since.

"I saw your photo in Canadian House and Home. You look exactly the same!" she wrote.

Seriously. I know.

My big nose and I are going for a walk now. And I'm going to walk at a way better angle....It's the ANGLE, I swear!!!

13 Comments:

Anonymous Steph-Toronto Gal said...

I was waiting for you to post about the magazine! (Not about the picture- I thought you and the house looked great). Congrats on the book- I MADE the Bay and Bloor Indigo people give me a copy right at 9 on Wednesday am and also made them put copies on the shelf ASAP. I read it straight through that morning and thought it was fabulous!

12:40 PM

 
Blogger Gabriella said...

Ahhh Rebecca, I thoughtyou and your daughter, dog too looked great. Hey we all have our complexes, mine is hmmm...the list is pretty large, but you looked great, and your house is super gorgeous!

1:16 PM

 
Anonymous ali said...

apparently, i look fat when i post photos online over at urbanmoms...so that should make you feel better :)

i haven't seen the magazine yet. i'm sure it's not as bad as you think! it never is.

3:57 PM

 
Blogger myredwagon said...

The first thing I thought when I saw the photo was - wow she's got great hair. Everyone is super critical of themselves. You've got nothing to worry about. Your kid is cute and your house looks terrific.

4:54 PM

 
Blogger Louise said...

I loved the article! I've been a fan of yours since reading your blog in the Globe on Saturdays. I look forward to it each week. I was thrilled to see you featured in the magazine. I thought you looked great, and your daughter is adorable!! Thanks for making my Saturday mornings! :)

7:34 PM

 
Blogger MommyWithAttitude said...

Oh that's traumatic -- but most people will probably pay more attention to the dictator than you -- maybe that's comforting? A tiny bit?

9:26 AM

 
Blogger Ms. Porter said...

I specifically went and looked at the photo and read the article after I read your post. You look great what are you talking about? Your home is gorgeous the painting above the fireplace is amazing.

5:01 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

at least you have a beautiful house

3:21 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where are all of you finding this magazine? I couldn't find it at Chapters, or the usual places for mainstream magazines.

6:38 AM

 
Anonymous Sara Purves said...

Hi Rebecca! I have a Work-At-Home-Mommy-Venture idea happening and I'd like to send you some info and get your opinion but I can't attach the info here. If you have a minute, could you check out www.fuzzysweater.ca? I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks, Sara

10:04 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I thought you looked great- though i was a bit surprised that your place seemed so dark & masculine.
Did the fiancé choose all the colours?
also the dictator is almost as big as you!
you are so petite and cute.

7:16 PM

 
Blogger lmysynuk said...

Hi Rebecca!
I bought the magazine last night after reading your posts about it and I think all 3 of you look adorable!! Keep up the great work, we all really enjoy it!

10:27 AM

 
Anonymous Heather said...

Hello Rebecca. I just finished reading your book and laughed out loud the entire way through. You put into words what all mothers think you know! I am a mother of 2 kids, 22 months and 7 months and am currently on maternity leave. Thank you so very much for such a great treat!

8:29 PM

 

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