Rebecca Eckler is one of Canada's most talked about newspaper columnists, the author of Knocked Up: Confessions of a Hip Mother to Be, which has been translated into nine languages. Also the author of the bestsellers, Wiped!, Toddlers Gone Wild, and Rotten Apple, the first in a YA series. Random thoughts on life in the competitive world of modern mommyhood. Blog will be loved by trendy mothers who still feel, or often feel, that the most important word in "mommee" is ME!

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Who is THE ONE You Trust?

The other day I starting to think about trust and who I trust completely and utterly. This post is about trust and love and how the two go hand in hand..

I started to think about trust because I told a friend something that was totally innocuous and she told someone else, because what I told her was so not important, but it got passed on and then got back to me.

I was in awe that, in a matter of two days, something I said in passing (trust me, it's nothing at all juicy. "Pass the salt please" would be more interesting.) actually got back to me - all the way from Vancouver.

Since it was nothing juicy or mean, it was just weird to me how people talk. It was more like, "I heard you were at..." one of things. Anyway.

Aside from my family (They don't count - because they are family, so of course I trust them) there is only one other person that I trust completely, 100 per cent, which is The Fiance.

This morning I was talking to a friend and I asked him the question, "How many people do you trust?"

He said, "Including family?" I said, "No."

He said, "It's interesting. Um, there is one person. Yeah, that's weird." The thing is, I don't think it's that weird.

I trust the fiance with everything. I can tell him anything and everything and know that it won't go anywhere, no matter how boring what I tell him is, or how juicy it is.

I mean, we all have friends who we know pass on things even after we say, "You can't tell anyone!" No one is that naive to believe that there's not always a change whatever secret you tell them, it will be passed on - maybe not immediately, but one day, months or years from now...

Also, a few weeks ago, someone asked me how the fiance proposed to me. I'm not going to say. But I am going to tell you why I love him. In fact, I invite all of you to share the little things your man does for you that makes you love him. Please do. Because it's nice.

When I was an advice columnist, people always asked how do you know when he's THE ONE?

There are big reasons I love the fiance, but it's the little things that add up, I think, that make him THE ONE.

1) If he picks me up from home, on his way home from work so we can go for dinner, and I get in the car, he always makes sure my station is already on. He turns it to MY station before I get in the sweet is that? Even though he hates the top 40/hip hop/Sexy Back music I love.

2) He never makes me attend events with him that I don't want to go.

3) He will sit through watching the Gilmore Girls with me, though he hates it, just because he says he likes to "sit with me." He will also sit through Bachelor Rome with me, though he hates it, just to spend "quality time" with me.

4) He will always pick up my phone call - even if he's on the line with an important client or in a conference call.

5) When we go to a party, he will ALWAYS tell me after that I was the prettiest girl there, even though I know he's lying.

And these are only five of the many very little gestures that make me love the guy. Now, share your top five. Because I love these stories....


Anonymous EK said...

1) My husband makes my lunch for me about once a month and always includes a little love note on my napkin.
2) He picks up People magazine for me when he finds one on an airplane even though he thinks it is not real news - only gossip.
3) He cuts out coupons he knows I'd like to have though we both know I will never use them and end up just cluttering the counter or my bag.
4) He always walks me upstairs and tucks me into bed if I go to bed before him.
5) he always let me choose where to go out to eat.

2:31 PM

Blogger Paige said...

Three for now...

- I can casually mention that I haven't eaten yet/I'm hungry on my way over to his place and there will be an elaborate meal in the works when I arrive. (mmmm!!)

- on his last trip he mailed me a letter every day he was gone.

- when I complain that I "look fat" in a picture he reassures me that is not at all possible. But he will also patiently wait as I pose and repose to get the perfect shot of the two of us.


2:57 PM

Anonymous ali said...

oh my god...i miss those days...i ask the husband to watch tv with me just to sit with me, and he goes upstairs and watches the leafs. 8 years...hmph...

6:17 PM

Anonymous Jessika said...

My top 5:

1. After spending an entire week together 24 hours a day, I still wanted to spend MORE time with him AND his mom.

2. The way he looked at me before we started dating. I was sitting at the top of the stairs talking to some friends and I remember realizing he was watching me in a way no one had ever watched me before.

3. How he'll sing me our song when I ask even though we both know he has a horrible voice. (Sorry babe, it's true)

4. The way he is the only person in the world I feel comfortable crying to. The ONLY. And when I say "cry", I mean bawl/cry hysterically.

5. How he knows that I should always sit in the outside seat because I'm left handed, and then he always knows what to order for my drink if I get up to use the rest room.

7:02 PM

Blogger primetimetvaddict said...

1. Even in the middle of a knock-down, drag 'em out fight if I said I was thirsty he would drop everything to go and bring me a drink of water.

2. He always lets me pick the movie at the theatre, and he says he likes the movie even when I know he'd rather see the latest action flick.

3. After a 12hr night shift, with his hands bruised and sore, he'll still rub my feet if I say they hurt.

4. If I'm busy or away, he'll always have copies of my favourite tv shows waiting for me - before I even have to ask.

5. When I'm sick he'll sleep on the floor rather than disturb my sleep and he'll get up in the night to hold my hair back when I throw up.

8:20 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

1. He brings me flowers randomly because he knows it makes me feel special and thought of.

2. He will come to work events/family parties/whatever to make me happy - not to mention he genuinely LOVES my family as if they were his own.

3. He will talk with me into the night even if he's exhauted and has to get up early in the morning.

4. He is affectionate, supportive, honest, loving, intelligent, funny, responsible, respectful, socially aware, handsome, and communicates better than any man I've ever known without seeming needy or weak.

5. He makes a point of telling me how much he appreciates the little things that I do for him, and how much he loves me.

Sigh. I love him.

From Erin, who lurks your blog and really enjoys your writing.

11:28 PM

Anonymous GirlyGurl said...

My man is THE ONE because...
1) After 14 years he still opens doors for me and puts his hand on the small of my back to guide me through.
2) He will go to bed with me at 10 p.m. even though he prefers midnight.
3) He thinks its just fine that I loaf on vacations. While he is working out or golfing, I am flat on my back poolside EVERY day. As long as I have a pulse, I'm good.
4) We have 6 kids - he is an outstanding role model and the kids admire him immensely
5) He can be a total dork. Last week he left the house in our 15 year old's clothes. He couldn't recognize that the clothes in the laundry basket weren't his.

7:47 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know if these are top 5, but they are the first that come to mind - today anyway

He always rents one girly movie and watches it with me when making trips to blockbuster even though he hates them (and watches bachelor, top model - unless there is a hockey game on)

He always says "she loves her mamma" and smiles when talking about our daughter Grace

He always buys me treats from the store even if he is just going for a newspaper

He always buys me seafood treats (that I would never buy for myself$$$) when he goes grocery shopping even though he is a vegetarian

He writes me notes/pics in the dust on the stove front (drew pics of me pregnant)

Thats what he does for me... but in general he always defends the underdog, always tips big, always gives money to the homeless, never complains about service he receives cause he doesn't want to get people in trouble, and would give a friend anything - his last dollar or a place to crash

And... he is the funniest person I know


7:51 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is fun!

1. He always kisses me goodbye when he leaves in the morning for work at the crack of dawn

2. He's the cook of the house, and enjoys it

3. He not only loves me...he adores me...which in some ways means a whole lot more

4. He rubs my tummy all the time in eager anticipation for when we start a family of our own

5. His level of respect for me is so high that it is so apparent I've had friends tell me they've noticed.

*sigh* ain't love grande!

10:06 AM

Anonymous ashley said...

He knows why I'm grumpy, every single time, without me even saying a word. Even when I think there's no way he'll understand, he does.

He snuggles and cuddles with me all night long, just because I love it, even though I know he'd rather roll over and have his own space in bed.

He's the only investment banker I know that wears checkered Vans on the weekend and scary punk band tee-shirts after work. Underneath his expensive dress shirts, he wears a pink necklace I gave him that's falling apart, and he doesn't care who sees it.

He always insists on helping me with every problem I have, from fixing my computer to sorting through an issue at work. And he does it with patience and kindness.

He values trust and honesty and loyalty, deeply.

He genuinely prefers a night out just with me, for good wine and an expensive dinner, than a night out with his friends.

He hates when I wear make-up, and insists that natural is always better, even if it means a pale face and dark circles under my eyes.

I really, truly feel like he only has eyes for me.

I can cry for a rediculous reason, (the heavy, sobbing, can't breathe kind of cry) and he'll snuggle me in until I stop, poke fun at the tears until I smile, and forgive the whole episode, no matter what.

10:39 AM

Blogger Paige said...

I LOVE READING THESE... they are all the little isms about relationships that women never really en masse dish about in person cos they seem either too braggy or too personal.
More more more!

1:05 PM

Anonymous MOTP - mother of the pants in the family said...

He is the one because:

- he makes me laugh all the time - and usually at his own expense (goofy hair, funny shaving patterns etc)

- He told me that he wanted a 2nd child because he thought I was such a great mom, and he loved being a dad so much more than he ever could have imagined (now that was an aphrodisiac....

- He listens and values my opinions

- He brings me flowers and paints me cards - when there are reasons and when there are no reasons too

- He is smart, funny, practical, interesting and interested, open minded, strong, a loyal friend, and a man of action.... during the recent drought, he organized a street tree watering party!

It just gets better with each year!


4:07 PM

Anonymous Sarah said...

1. when i was pregnant with our daughter he brought me toast and tea in bed, sat with me while I ate, held my head while I puked it all into a bucket, then went to clean said bucket - every single day for 27 weeks.

2. i can tell him anything - and he can always make me laugh

3. if i point out a gorgeous woman to him, he'll always tell me she's too skinny, wears too much make-up, something.

4. in 9 years I've never had to take out the trash, mow the lawn or shovel snow - and even if he's not going out, he'll go out before me to scrape my car windows and warm up my car

5. someone gave our daughter the book 'Love you Forever' when she was born, and the first time we read it we were both crying (I've only seen him cry one other time). He still won't read the book.

All that, and he has a really cute bum. I'm a lucky girl!!

5:22 PM

Blogger stepmommie2 said...

The reason I know he is the one is...
1) even when I am in a bad mood he tickles me and playfights with me to get me to laugh and smile
2) when I get into his car he has my seat warmer on (yes, even in the summer...I am always cold in Toronto)
3) he does the grocery shopping so I don't have to carry the heavy bags
4) when I work long hours (casting director/producer) he makes me dinner when I come home
5) he cleans the dishes and pots after I have made him and the kids dinner so I can go and relax

4:24 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is really going to be cathartic for me because we are having a rocky time of it right now- and remembering the top 5 things I love about him will help. In fact, I think I'll print these out for him.

Just like yours:
1) He'll always tell me I'm the prettiest girl in the world/room/store/whatever.

2) The other night we were fighting and even though we were upset at each other, I was really afraid because I SWORE I saw a ghost (another story for another time lol) and he held me.

3) He usually never relinquishes control of the radio, but if he's flipping through and one of "our songs" is on the radio, he'll stop and we listen to it.

4) He always lets me choose where we get food from- whether it be take out or going out - if I'm really in the mood for something, he makes sure I get it.

5) Every time we go to the store he asks me if I want anything. He makes me look at clothes or office supplies or house stuff- and even though I don't usually let him buy me anything, it's nice to know that he thinks of me and wants me to have nice things.

8:53 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is so wonderful reading these! And I thought I married the best man in the world, but he has some competition!!

1. He sends flowers and buys gifts "just because"

2. He takes care of my single mom and helps her with odd jobs at her house whenever she asks and doesn't complain.

3. He opens doors for me -- the car, the house, a restaurant.

4. He is very good at sharing how he feels, and makes sure everyone knows how much he loves me and how lucky he feels to have married me.

5. There is no one else I'd rather spend my free time with, and that free time is never enough!

There are so many more...we recently found out we're expecting and I know he's going to make a great father!

9:00 AM

Anonymous Tessa said...

I don't need five reasons.

I throw all of my earthly-bound trust to my husband, Phil. It's only to him I would entrust my Living Will.

If your brain was smashed up in a horrific car wreck, but your body survived, who would you trust to make your choices for you?

On a less-sombre note, he's made me a fruit salad with granola and yogurt every day since our 5-month-old son was born.

And I'm pretty sure he was smiling while he made those salads (I was asleep. Check reason number 2. But I'm not counting).

9:47 PM

Blogger Sarah said...

1. The other day I went to a new mommy power walking group. Not so much for the exercise but to meet new mommies. I told my boyfriend I wanted to meet a new best friend, someone with a baby I could gab with, cry to, relate to. Within seconds of being there, I realized these women, as lovely as they may be, were not going to fill the position. I told the BF "I need a new best friend!" He looked at me and said: "Sarah, you already have a best friend right here."

2. He hung a mirrorball over our heads in our bedroom so that we can always live under the stars, the most magical place in the world.

3. Seven weeks ago, when we brought Little Man home from hospital, I got in the car and discovered he'd hung a baby mirrorball from the car light. "I want our son to always live under the stars, too," he said.

4. The other day at Costco, we walked past a salsa music display. The BF put down our 80-pound brick of cheese, 100-pack of NutriGrain bars and the scone samples he was holding, and started spinning me around the store. (That's huge because he loovvess the free samples!)

5. He had a baby with me at age 47, so he has one child going to university next fall, one child going into high school and one child going into day care. And maybe there are more to come ...

6:26 AM

Blogger AC said...

This was an interesting exercise for me. He's just not the romantic type and never tells me I'm the prettiest woman in the room. Yet...
1) I can trust him with anything: secrets, our daughter, all the important things (well, except chocolate. Chocolate is not safe in the house unless I hide it)(so I hide it)(it's a small price to pay and he likes the hide and seek)
2) he always takes my calls, too
3) he does everything he can to make sure I get as much sleep as I think I need (even though it's much more sleep than he needs and it might mean him sleeping on the sofa)
4) he's such a great dad to our little perfect angel
5) he thinks I'm as funny as I think I am
I really enjoyed reading all your responses. They are very heartwarming. Especially from what appear to be moms with infants and toddlers (which can take it's own toll on romance!). So, thanks!

3:30 PM

Blogger hautemama said...

My BH...

1)loves to cook

2)loves to talk + shop

3)wants more kids

4)laughs alot


that was fun!

5:15 PM

Blogger Haley-O said...

Since you asked, Josh-O is always there for me, thinks I'm the most beautiful woman in the world (well, at least says so), watches Survivor with me, changes the early morning diaper (that last one's the kicker!) ;)

And, yeah, aside from the family, there are very few people I trust wholeheartedly....

8:39 PM

Anonymous Vanessa said...

1. I moved away and didn't have a nice duvet. On the phone, I complained to him about sleeping poorly, and he shipped a beautiful fluffy, feather-filled duvet across the country to me!

2. Two months later, he came for a two-week visit and ended up staying for a year. On his first day on the new side of the country, he came with me on a 15-hour school bus field trip examining different forest regions.

3. One day last summer, for no particular reason, we both showed up at a date with a present. That in itself was a coincidence...but there's more: we gave each other the EXACT SAME PRESENT. That's when I knew it was l-o-v-e.

4. He rubs my belly when I've eaten too much.

5. We have a combined movie collection in which the ratio of his movies to my movies is about 268: 2.

8:48 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I will sign up eventually I swear (I will not be annonymous forever)

My boyfriend is the one for me because

At a work party no one was having fun so he grabbed one of my coworkers & sang a Wilson Phillips duet (hold on for one more day) into a bottle of wine with her just to make everyone laugh.

He gets upset that I never take time for myself even though I sleep until 11:00 and don't really have a job, he still thinks I'm working too hard and wants me to relax.

He bought a house for us and a week before we moved my sister and her boyfriend broke up. the first thing he said was "does she need a place to stay?" and she's now been living with us for 6 months & he doesn't ever complain.

He sings really loudly in public places just to make me laugh.

He explained all the rules of hockey to me and didn't get upset when I asked dumb questions. Then this year when the oilers were in the playoffs he bought two extra seats to all the home games so that I could be there for all of them (I'm now a huge hockey fan)

11:17 PM


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