Rebecca Eckler is one of Canada's most talked about newspaper columnists, the author of Knocked Up: Confessions of a Hip Mother to Be, which has been translated into nine languages. Also the author of the bestsellers, Wiped!, Toddlers Gone Wild, and Rotten Apple, the first in a YA series. Random thoughts on life in the competitive world of modern mommyhood. Blog will be loved by trendy mothers who still feel, or often feel, that the most important word in "mommee" is ME!

Friday, September 29, 2006

It's My Party and I'll Invite Who I Want To...

Well, the preparations for The Dictator's 3rd birthday party are coming along. Slowly, but surely.

I was stunned to read a comment from a reader, a teacher!, who said it was pretty stupid to invite a TEACHER to one of their pre-schooler students birthday parties.

To which I say, "WTF?"

I mean, give me a break. First off, it's a party *I'm* throwing to celebrate my daugher's birthday, the greatest day of my life. Which means, I'll invite whomever I want to invite. If I want to invite my dentist, I'll invite my dentist.

The point is, just because you receive an invite, doesn't mean you are obligated to attend. Ever.

How easy is it to say, "Thanks! I'm out of town." Or, "Thanks! I have an appointment I can't miss." Or, "I'm sick." Or, "I have to wash my hair."

There are a million and a half ways to get out of going to a party. (Though, for some weird reason, I can't help but think someone who gets offended at an invite doesn't get many invites. Am I wrong?)

And, actually, I don't agree that all teachers wouldn't want to go to one of their kids parties. First off, there will be a bar and bartender. Second, it will be catered. Third, why wouldn't a teacher want to get to know parents out of class?

Also, I'm sorry, but hey, you get to see the inside of my house! And you could get your face painted! And maybe a lootbag!

Also, she's quite young this teacher. Why wouldn't she want to meet new people?

Heck, drop by for 20 minutes even. Heck, don't come. Whatever.

The point is, I don't think it's stupid at all to invite a teacher. My daughter likes her teacher. And why shouldn't I show appreciation by saying, "You're a part of my daughter's life. She loves you. I would like you to be a part of her celebration."

And, if the teacher doesn't want to come, well, the Regrets Only number is right there on the invite.

P.S. I pray that you are not my daughter's teacher who wrote that stupid comment. If you are, well, you're still invited.


Anonymous DavidR said...

Nothing wrong there? If she is not comfortable then she can just say no!?!

1:43 PM

Blogger Gabriella said...

geez, some teacher huh! Wouldn't want her to be my teacher, I mean yeah I'm sure teachers get invited to lots of parties they don't want to go to but a simple thanks but i'm doing such and such is all it takes, no wonder she put herself down as "anonymous" probably doesn't want anyone to recognize her for the party pooper she is!

5:22 PM

Blogger Roxanne said...

I have a family childcare and if I am always honored when parents invite me to their child's party. I love to be able to see the kids that I care for, in their own territory. It gives you such an excellent opportunity to get to know their background better (and their parents). Plus, if there's a bar and catering involved, who could turn that down?

6:28 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is a certain line that should not be crossed when it comes to student and teacher relations. In crossing that line, I believe opens doors to many issues. One being the politics. Students are to be equals in a classroom and when one student invites the teacher, equality comes into question. I think this somewhat parallels the whole "conflict-of-interest" argument. Politics will also arise between the relationship between the parents, and don't children have enough to deal with in school than drama between their parents and the parents of other students?

All in all, I think that unless ALL the students are invited along with ALL the parents, there lies opportunity for many conflicts and politics in the classroom and PTA meetings. There is enough drama and competition that arises BETWEEN parents, nevermind throwing the teacher in the shuffle, who, it must be pointed out, is supposed to be the neutral factor in it all.

(Not saying you care... I just thought I'd explain what the problem is with inviting the teacher.)

(Btw, the idea sounds like BLAST and I would LOVE to be a parent invited to this. A free party while my kid is being taken care of for the afternoon... how awesome is that?)

Take care Ms. Eckler.

P.S. I found your first book to be hilarious! I'm very glad I picked it up by chance that day at Indigo! A great commuter read!

8:43 PM

Anonymous Jessika said...

I'm a middle school teacher, but I think it would be very sweet to be invited to one of my students' parties. Like you said, I always have the option of saying no.

PLUS, your child is in preschool, so that's different than middle school. If I taught preschool, I would definitely go. Even if for nothing other than the loot bag! :)

6:48 AM

Blogger Jen said...


2:34 PM

Anonymous ali said...

children's birthday parties, at least in the first few years, are much more about the parents than the children...they don't really care who's long as there are presents and cake!!!

invite who you want! enjoy!

6:50 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

It has never occurred to me to invite my daugher's teacher to a birthday party, but I love the idea. Her teacher is the kind of person who would come, and I think she'd be touched by the invitation. And personally, I'd do anything to be on the invite list myself!

9:22 AM

Blogger Jovi said...

Some people are just weird ..
I love getting invited to parties, even if I know I won't be attending. She should just take the compliment already.

12:52 PM

Anonymous sarah scott said...

hi rebecca, i am a kindergarten teacher and i have been invited to many student's birthday parties and have attended several. i am always completely honored when invited and actually kind of enjoy going when it is convenient.(a great chance to score bonus points, hang out with students in a casual setting and of course, see families houses etc!) in regards to the previous comment about crossing the professional line - gimme a break!!! if we can't make personal connections and relationships with the students we teach and their families, then what is the point of being a teacher???

6:37 PM

Blogger Amanda said...

I totally think it was an amazing gesture for you to invite her teacher! Very sweet of you. You are right, if she doesn't feel comfortable, or doesn't want to, she doesn't have to and that is that!

As a teacher myself, I have invited to a few birthday parties of my kids and I did have to turn them down, simply because I didn't think it was fair if I could go to some and not others, but that was just my take on the matter.

7:57 PM

Blogger Haley-O said...

I think it's great that you invited your daughter's teacher. So cute! And, if she's young, too -- very nice thing to do. In any case, it's totally your prerogative. People should just chill sometimes. It's not like your daughter's in high school -- she's only 3 years old! So, it doesn't matter at. all. If you like her, invite her. ;)

8:03 PM

Anonymous GirlyGurl said...

Uhh, let's review's a PARTY. Get it? It's not about politics, equality, drama, competition. Just a party. Don't wanna party? Don't go. No need to overthink it.

P.S. I chuckled at the "we are raising your children" line. As if.

7:37 AM

Blogger Jezer said...

I'm a teacher, and I've been invited to birthday parties, 1st Communions, and regular old weeknight family dinners. It's an honor. I don't always go, but I'm always thrilled to receive the invitation.

You're right--the Dictator's teacher is an important person in her life, and inviting her to the party is pretty normal, I think.

3:23 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, what a bitch. Obviously she missed Miss Manners chapter on turning down an invitation gracefully. Here from Mommy Diart Tales.

4:30 PM


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