Rebecca Eckler is one of Canada's most talked about newspaper columnists, the author of Knocked Up: Confessions of a Hip Mother to Be, which has been translated into nine languages. Also the author of the bestsellers, Wiped!, Toddlers Gone Wild, and Rotten Apple, the first in a YA series. Random thoughts on life in the competitive world of modern mommyhood. Blog will be loved by trendy mothers who still feel, or often feel, that the most important word in "mommee" is ME!

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Solve This Mystery...

Someone, in Toronto, is going around telling people they are my "assistant."

I feel totally violated, and most of all, want to say to this person who is going around telling people they are my "assistant" that they are doing a totally sucky job!

I had to get my own coffeee this morning! I had to set up my own manicure appointment yesterday! I had to buy my own Halloween candy! I had to book my own airline ticket for tomorrow!

Let me explain...

Yesterday, I was opening my mail at home and there was a letter forwarded to me from The Globe and Mail. It was adressed to: The Assistant of Rebecca Eckler, with that person's name, and it was marked "private and confidential."

I laughed, because, in reality, I don't have an assistant.

I need an assistant, don't get me wrong.

I have 250 unread e-mails, almost 1000 that need to be returned, a photo shoot happening at my house right now - My home will be featured in Canadian House and Home magazine in the Spring - dry cleaning that hasn't been picked up in months, snack day at my daughter's school tomorrow, and I'm supposed to get on a plane tomorrow at 7 a.m.

Not to mention newspaper deadlines, a book in its final editing stages, another book deadline looming, and a couple freelance magazine stories that I need to interview for and write, and a number of requests for people to interview me about various things.

Seriously, I feel as if my life is falling apart, I have so much to do, and my organizational skills, at best, suck.

Anyway, I opened the letter addressed to "Rebecca Eckler's assistant," even though it really wasn't for me. There was another name there, but since I am my own assistant, I didn't feel too badly, even though it was marked "private and confidential." Hey, I am my own assistant and you addressed it to Rebecca Eckler's assistant.

It was a handwritten love/apology letter.

Aparently, my "assistant" had taken someone out and that person (the person writing the letter) got drunk and acted like a "retarded brat."

And then my "assistant" called the letter-writer, but the letter-writer's cell phone died and they couldn't call back because they were at a friend's house. Then the letter-writer tried to call my assistant, but the person's sister hung up on them. Twice.

Anyway, the letter-writer to my "assistant" apologizes profusely and doesn't want to let a dead cell phone or alcohol affect what could possibly be a future relationship. Apparently, my "assistant" did something very nice for this person, that no other person had done before.

This all, apparently, happened around Thanksgiving weekend, when I was in Arizona.

To which I'll say, if you were on a date around that time in Toronto, and the person treated you poorly, well, that person is sorry and is trying to get in touch with you - even if they are apologizing to someone who is going around lying about what they do for a living.

Now that I'm done trying to pass this information on, and getting a love-match going, I'd like to also say, that if you ever meet someone who is telling people they are "Rebecca Eckler's assistant," don't believe them. Or tell them to get to work.

I like non-fat decaf lattes.


Blogger Jen said...

People actually do that? I thought that was only from the movies.

Sounds like you do need a real life assistant though!

12:45 PM

Blogger Laural Dawn said...

How do you survive on DECAF lattes? Seriously, life will get much much easier when you switch to caffeine :)
And, weird about the assistant. And really really funny. I often say I'm someone's assistant, but only if they KNOW and ask me to (it's kind of part of my job).
But for the record, I think you'd be a cool person to work for.

1:32 PM

Blogger Cindy said...

that is soo funny. Also albeit a little creepy too. Hopefully they don't go around trying to get free things in your name like that woman pretending to be Jessica Simpsons assistant. Not to try and scare you or anyhting, but maybe keep an ear out for that.

1:47 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Crazy people or what?

I hear you about life being totally crazy and feeling like it's all falling apart. I was like that a few weeks ago and all has come together (for the most part).

Maybe we could share your assistant. I've got a ton of work to do ~ and mine's a soy latte.

2:47 PM

Blogger mad muthas said...

hate to say it, but it sounds like your assistant is having more fun that you. why don't you apply for the job yourself? (that way, it totally makes sense that your getting your own coffee)

2:56 PM

Blogger joyce said...

That is so psycho it's funny!!! And as a fellow Starbucks addict...I can only think of one reason to drink you have a secret?

5:57 PM

Blogger DM said...

You realize it's illegal to open other people's mail, right?

8:00 PM

Blogger Haley-O said...

That's insane! Kinda funny, though, too....

8:39 PM

Blogger stepmommie2 said...

oy...what a wack job... I would hunt her down while in Toronto (if she's doing a good job that is....) and ask her if she wants the job....although she will have to travel on her own budget to get you those latte's.... My old assn't tried to steal all my talent once I closed down my talent huh! Can't wait to read the new book!

5:23 AM

Anonymous ali said...

ha! your life is WAY more interesting than mine...

6:04 AM

Blogger Paige said...

are you going to contact the person that the letter was addressed to? (Though I bet he/she is reading your blog right now...)

9:18 AM

Blogger Gabriella said...

that is a funny story! The things people actually have the guts to do!

I suscribe to CH&H so can't wait to see your home! I entered into one of their contests to redo our bedroom but no go!

9:34 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow. You really have all the luck lol. I'm sorry some retard is going around being an idiot!! I'll be your assistant- but I require an Iced Mocha Latte every day and full fat for me please.

12:34 PM

Anonymous QueenieCarly said...

I say you hunt this "assistant" down and make this "assistant" work off all the perks he/she's been getting living it up as your assistant. Once they've worked those off, then you can decide whether or not to keep 'em around.

What a bizarre story!

8:51 PM

Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

I don't know whether to laugh or... laugh, I guess.

Be flattered.

8:32 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

great plot for a screen play!!

6:40 PM

Blogger Mom101 said...

You think she's like that fake Jessica Simpson assistant a few years back who used her name to get all kinds of expensive shoes and clothes? If so...make sure she splits them with you!

7:07 PM

Blogger Amanda said...

That's weird!
Wow, I cannot believe how crazy busy your life is, how do you do it and stay sane at the same time?

5:23 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe you could hire this "assistant" to help update this blog on a more regular basis. Once a week is certainly not enough Eckler at all. We need to hear more.

11:55 AM


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