Rebecca Eckler is one of Canada's most talked about newspaper columnists, the author of Knocked Up: Confessions of a Hip Mother to Be, which has been translated into nine languages. Also the author of the bestsellers, Wiped!, Toddlers Gone Wild, and Rotten Apple, the first in a YA series. Random thoughts on life in the competitive world of modern mommyhood. Blog will be loved by trendy mothers who still feel, or often feel, that the most important word in "mommee" is ME!

Monday, April 16, 2007

Shall I exit the Blogging World?

One of my best friends called me irrate last week.

"Did you know there was a site out there that is totally dedicated to making fun of you and saying the most evil things?," she asked. "I am so mad right now, I'm shaking. What fucking assholes! What pricks! I can't believe there are such assholes out there."

"Are you talking about that nine gram thingy?" I asked, nonchalantly.

"Yes! Did you know about that?"

"I knew about a year ago when they first started. I didn't think they'd still be doing it," I said, crunching on a cracker.

"They've been doing it for a year?" my friend screamed. "Don't they have lives?"

"They've been doing it longer I guess. Since I started my blog," I told her. "I'm starving right now. I don't have any food in my house!"

"I can't stand this!" my friend screamed. "I'm going to write in anonymously and stick up for you. These people are such fucking losers!"

"Oh, god, don't bother," I said. "They'll probably just think I'm writing in about myself. And then you'll be doing the same thing they do, posting anonymously."

"No, I'm doing it," she said.

After years of being in the "public eye" (or what that means in the Canadian media world) I have a very thick skin.

Which is what happens after reading many complete fabrications about yourself time and time again. I'm not joking when I say I can read/hear something about myself that I did last Thursday and think, "Um, I do remember staying in and watching Grey's Anatomy and falling asleep in my daughter's bed by 11 p.m."

Anyway it all got me thinking, especially after a very nice blogger I met at my book launch started blogging and got involved in such Blogger Drama, it is better than an episode of Nip/Tuck.

See, I read her blog. And I felt sorry for her. Not because she couldn't handle it (She can, because she has a brain) but because the evilness of blogging had finally hit me. I'm kind of asking myself if all this is worth it. Because a lot has changed in the year I've been blogging.

Anonymous assholes really have started to get to me. Not because of what they say about me (or my blogging buddies) but because they insist on doing so anonymously. I mean, seriously. How fucking pathetic. It's one of those, if you have something to say, say it to my face kind of things. If you truly believe what you write, why not just come out of the blogging closet?

Except, when you can be rude and evil under the guise of being "anonymous" it makes it so darn easy, doesn't it?

What I don't get is what motivates these people. Hey, you hate me and my writing, so be it. Don't read it. Except you do, and then you just have to write something anonymously.

I have a problem with this. Not because I don't think you should be able to write whatever you want in the blogging world, especially if you have something worthy of debate to write about, but because you are wasting such time being assholes.

Is that really how you want to live your life? - "Oooh, let's make fun of Eckler and all those who stick up for her?" Seriously.

I mean, granted, I was quite honoured to be the star of a fake blog entirely dedicated to making fun of my blog. For, like, the first three days. Then it got old. At least for me. But, surprisingly, it hasn't got old for some, who really are quite bitter. And bored with their lives.

In all that time wasted on making fun of little ol' me, these "assholes" as my friend called them, probably could have written a book. Or at least a number of magazine articles. Or been out volunteering. Or, if they are parents, spending the time with their children. Or, I don't know, going for a nice walk.

In any case, here are some clarifications - in case you were wondering.

1) I do not write fake posts to my own site. To me, that is like authors who buy their own book on amazon, just to get a lower ranking. It's not reality, so why bother?

2) I did not ever call my daughter a "bitch." I wrote, once, when she was a baby and screaming that she was "being bitchy." She was. There's a big difference calling someone a "bitch" and saying someone is "being bitchy." I call my best gay friend, who likes to gossip a lot, "bitchy" too sometimes.

3) I don't ever write fake posts to other sites sticking up for me. See number one. Why bother?

4) I never post evil things or anonymous posts to anyone. Why? Because if you don't have something nice to say, why bother? I just don't comment.

The blogging world has definitely changed. I'm not sure I like it. In fact, I don't like it. I do like reading bloggers. I do like the support, which is why I got into blogging in the first place, and many bloggers I do feel (even if I've never met them) are friends.

As for the blogging drama some of my blogging friends have been put through, keep your chin up. Who cares about anonymous bloggers? They're cowards, not worthy of your time or energy.

As for me, tell me if you think the blogging world has changed - and not for the better?

As for the anonymous posters, what can I say? Do yoga.


Blogger Laural said...

This is why I think you're the coolest person out there :)
(even if I'm a big dork)

9:30 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know that much about the "blogging world" so I can't really speak to the issue of whether or not it has changed. To tell you the truth, I enjoyed your column at your 'place of previous employment' so I decided to start reading your blog. I had never read one before and I really enjoy it. All I can say is that people certainly have too much time on their hands if they are devoting the time and energy they DO have to being critical and nasty. I hope you keep up the good work and continue to write.

11:25 AM

Blogger Mike said...

I just finished reading your book "Knocked Up" at the insistance of my wife. I must admit that I loved your book and I love your writing style. I laughed out loud more then once. We are waiting patiently for your next book from the library (whenever it becomes available) and I just stumbled upon your blog. I have never read a blog before, let alone post a comment on one. Don't stop writing your blog! My only complaint about your blog is that I don't see a way to read your older posts. That, of course, is unforgivable. ;)

11:55 AM

Blogger QueenieCarly said...

I would hate to think that you're about to give this up, but at the same time, I could understand if you did. I posted an entry about how much I like your blog last year sometime and the jackals were all over me in minutes. It was sad, really, like they were trying to convince me that I don't really enjoy your writing using the most bizarre arguments. Are you seriously going to sit down with someone and attempt to convince them that a movie they like is actually bad? It's weird.

And that 9 gram thing is messed. I could see making fun of somebody, but just copying their posts and adding spelling errors? Lame.

As for anonymous comments, I agree with you wholeheartedly. If you can't say it, attaching it to your name, then you shouldn't be saying all. Isn't there a way to require an identity?

1:14 PM

Anonymous Steph-Toronto Gal said...

I may not have kids (yet) but have been reading your blog and columns for years. I love love love everything that you write about and am so jealous that other bloggers got to meet you! It is inspiring to see that motherhood does not necessarily mean the end of expensive shoes or personal indulgence. Too many blogs out there are simply scary to those of us who want to make the leap into parenthood without losing who we are. Your blog, books and columns challenge me to keep on working towards a freelance career. I have also seen "that other blog" and settled on it being ridiculous rather than rude. The fact that someone first of all can be so cruel and then keep it up for so long is madness. If even ten percent of the people who visit "that site" buy either of your books then you have the last laugh. I also enjoy Laural Dawn's site and thought that nothing is worse than mocking someone who sticks up for their friend.

4:20 PM

Anonymous Sarah said...

I know it's easy for us non-bloggers to say "oh, don't worry about it!"... This is the first time I have commented on any blog, but I do want you to remember that there is a whole reading community out there who enjoys what you post, checks your blog and waits for the next post! If and when you do stop blogging, your many fans out there will miss your insight and humour. Awaiting your next post...

5:01 PM

Blogger Keltie said...

I think that real life has translated into the blogging world. Before blogging, people would send letters, e-mails, or even make phone calls under an anonymous cloak. These are all people who are too afraid or intimidated to put their name to their thoughts and opinions. You would almost respect them more if they would own up to what they have written.

6:29 PM

Anonymous ali said...

i've been called one of those stepford mommies by the folks over at fact, i've been getting some rather troll-ish comments over at my urbanmoms site...and i'm fairly certain they've meandered over to me from ninegrambrain.

i guess you're right...i should have a thick skin when it comes to these things. i willingly put myself out there...i should be able to take the heat...but it's just the anonymous attacking that i don't get. why be an asshat and hide behind a computer screen??

no one would come up to you and say these things! no way, it's much easier to do it anonymously, online. it's a coward move, if you ask me.

don't stop blogging. if you love it, and you stop, you are letting them win. and they soooo aren't worth it.

now, they'll probably give me another stepford mommy shout-out...

7:09 PM

Anonymous Teddy said...

So what's the website? Inquiring minds, and all that...

SInce we're in deep sharing mode, here, I've got to say that although I find your writings incredibly funny (at times), and even thought The Girl and have both read Knocked Up, I yet find you to be an incredibly shallow and trite person.

I mean, if all I have to judge you by are your written works.

I've wanted to say this quite often; get a frackin' life. A hundred dollar pair of jeans? Ratehr sleep with the kid rather than with your man? Sheesh.

One word: shallow.

But still funny, which is why I and The Girl keep coming back.

8:54 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Mike, scroll down and on the right hand side is the Archives, you can go back from there.

Rebecca, I have always enjoyed your writing, I loved it @ the post, still love it @ the Globe and Your books are awesome. If Blogging isn't for you anymore... don't do it, it should be for your enjoyment and not to stress you out. Keep it up (and if you don't we'll get our fix form the Globe)

9:38 PM

Blogger Mike said...

Sweet!! I can read over a year's worth of blogs! No work for me today :D

4:36 AM

Blogger chantel simmons said...

Love this post. And I love your blog, and I don't have kids.

8:12 AM

Blogger Sue said...

Even though I don't always agree, you do make me laugh. And sometimes that's all we need. Thanks and keep your chin up.

9:00 AM

Anonymous CM_Toronto said...

First time leaving a message but long-time reader...Just wanted to let you know that I enjoy your writing. Your honesty is rare and so refreshing. Its funny how a certain section of the population deals w/ others successes...In a 'perfect' world you would be met w/ high-fives all around to celebrate your achievements... Its unfortunate but the liklihood of the bashers seeing the light and changing their evil ways is highly unlikely. They are unhappy and the only way to get back at them is to continue to build on your success. So keep on writing, please!

1:54 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I love your blog. I've even recruited more readers for you and they too went out and bought your books!!! You have a funny, cool perspective that's totally real and appreciated.

Anytime someone just puts themselves out there you will find people who want to bring you down. I know it's hard to ignore but you can't please everyone, so why try?

If you want to end your blog, then it's completely your decision, but know that you have fans and you have non-fans... worry about the people who like you rather than the ones who don't. If you love writing it as much as we love reading it, then you'll find your answer.

- Revelstoke

4:33 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I enjoy your posts, your style and your sense of humour - going to put the Ohmies on now :)

7:06 PM

Blogger Di said...

I have a friend who is the mom of one of my 13 year old daughter's friends and she admitted to me that she called her daughter a "F***ing bitch", until your child reaches puberty, don't rule it out.

I have only been blogging since August and I'm not in Canada, so I haven't experienced any of the negatives you have. Wow...I used to think Canadians were so much nicer than those of us in the States.

I read Cheaper Than Therapy and saw that someone made an ugly comment about Ali's weight (which is like 108) and I thought that was pretty nasty.

But think about the percentages. What percentage of people who read your blog are entertained and enlightened by it? Chances are that percentage is WAY more than those who not only dislike it, but find it necessary to publicly denigrate it.

When I don't like a blog, I simply delete it from my Blog Bookmarks and don't read it anymore!

Thanks to this post, I now feel REALLY bad about the scathing blog I wrote about how much I disliked Jodi Picoult's latest book. I don't think that my blog is on Jodi's radar...but I would hate to hurt her feelings! I just didn't care for the book.

10:25 PM

Blogger Jennifer P said...

Your writing and blog are much more honest and realistic than a lot of other blogs out there. I hated being knocked up too and got slammed for that. And after having a kid, women worry about their asses, hair, relationships, working out, and, did I say asses? And quite often my little guy is bitchy too and we tell him that. So what? Being a mommy and a mommy blogger is hard work.
I guess that's my rambling way of saying please stay in the blogging world.
PS That 9gram thing is weird -- stalking weird. I barely have time to brush my teeth these days, let alone read a blog then write a post making fun of that blog. Life is too short to waste that much time.

4:29 AM

Blogger Pendullum said...

So sorry you receive Hate mail...
Can not believe what some people will do if they are annonymous...
I would suggest just having the function of not allowing annonymous commentators on your site... And hopefully these raging annonymous commentators will cease...or at least they may take your suggestion and take up Yoga...

4:48 AM

Anonymous Jen said...

I totally see where you're coming from, Rebecca. But, remember your thick skin comment and know that there are lots of people who enjoy reading your blog! We have had ongoing issues with the ninegram folks at Ali's Fabulous blog on and it just makes me SO mad! I think your friends probably get more angry because they see their pal getting hurt. What really pisses me off is that it takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there for the world to judge. Women (unfortuanely, especially moms) can be so hard on each other when what we should really be doing is accepting our differences and supporting each other.

Don't stop...don't let 'em win.

8:13 AM

Blogger Tinamama said...

ok so you totally have my curiosity piqued! i'm guessing you don't want to link to this other blog to give them publicity...but can someone give a hint as to words to search to find it? :)

11:39 AM

Blogger Tinamama said...

oh nevermind...found her. how lame!!!

11:45 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have just finished reading Knocked Up! and Wiped! Your writing is honest, witty, and refreshingly funny. There is nothing worse than a pregnancy book that should be read with a highlighter or supplemented with notes in the margin. Even my husband finds your books to be remarkably enjoyable...and that screams volumes...considering he's a hard-ass Major in the US Army.

I recently started reading your books because I had the FEAR. I never would have known what an ovulation calculator was (thank you, thank you, thank you). I never would have realized that my husband and I did it four times on the most fertile day of my cycle without condoms. Who has time for sex when everyone is busy working? And I live in the same house with my husband! Well, let's just say that after 6 pregnancy tests, 4 pregnancy books, 5 pregnancy/ parenting magazines, and a friend whose pregnancy test only showed up positive after being 10 days LATE...I no longer had the FEAR. I also cannot believe how much reading I did in the 12 days I was late. When did I sleep?

Please don't stop writing or blogging. I can't wait to see how your daughter's following years turn out!

Oh, btw, my husband thinks your $700 spa experience is a bargain. He just lost a $1000 bet on our dog's poop- he said she never pooped and therefore he didn't forget to pick it up. I've never been so proud of my dog before. She pooped golden apples for me and I'm going to turn them into a Judith Leiber.

12:47 PM

Blogger Haley-O said...

I HEAR YOU!!! I got a little troll the other day -- telling me (not so nicely) to stop kvetching about my pregnancy symptoms, take diclectin and get over it, because I was making people who can't conceive cry. So, I wrote a post about it. Tons of bloggers came to my defense, and, Rebecca, it was a beautiful thing. I got tons of comments full of supportive words. As much as there are terrible people in the blogging world who feel the need to exploit us and hurt us, there are SO MANY MORE who are absolutely awesome.

Oh, and, as I wrote on my blog today.... You know what else I did in response to that little troll (who actually apologized via email and on the site -- so she wasn't all bad)? I bought your book KNOCKED UP. And, I posted it, and I told those "Rebecca Eckler haters" to "bring it OHN". ;) We've SO got your back.

Laural Dawn recommended the book to me, by the way -- it's ABOUT TIME I read it (since I'm such a big fan of yours...).

7:39 AM

Blogger Jen said...

I've had my fair share of rude anonymous comments. Luckily, I'm fairly thick skinned when it comes to that too. Why do people waste their time? I enjoy reading your blog and hope you don't call it quits.

12:02 PM

Blogger Sleepynita said...

The only thing that drives me nuts about you and your blog is that you don't update very often. Which I guess gives the 9 gram morons less to talk about.

By the way NICE house (House and Home April 2007), but I am sorry that you did not like your picture, I didn't think it was an accurate representation of you at all.

9:07 PM

Anonymous Sara said...

Blogger bullies suck. People are so tough when no one can see them. Adults become children!

10:54 AM

Blogger Susie Sunshine said...

There are A LOT assholes out there.
Fortunately the good people out number the dickheads at least 4-1.

Keep ignoring the fuckers until the ass kicking posse finalizes all the details, sunshine.

7:02 PM

Blogger garth said...

Dear NPD;

Don't let them get your knickers in a twist. There is an immensely huge consortium of Internet dough-heads out there, and they didn't just pop out of the ether. They've been there forever. They just became 'internet' when the internet started to exist. Before that, they were the neighbourhood blow-hards.

I can totally understand your frustration at being the target of these knuckle-heads, but look at it this way: You're popular enough to have been noticed by these people who clearly have nothing else in their lives to occupy them. You're famous!

As such, you've got the same problem that Brittney Spears has. Every little thing you do is under a microscope. Suck back, reload, do a little bit of blueberries with whipped cream, and chill. It's not your fault, and stressing about it isn't going to help.

Have a good day today, and a better one tomorrow.

6:56 AM

Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

The tards are few and far between. Everyone else rocks. Follow your own advice and IGNORE.

4:55 PM

Blogger Gabriella said...

You're a bigger person than those morons out there. Please don't stop blogging. What would I read?
Seriously, don't stop writing.

6:45 PM

Blogger nomotherearth said...

I just found out about this whole big kafuffle, and I don't have the whole story, but my god some people are just so lame! (Is that too 80's a thing for me to say? Am I showing my age?). It kind of reminds me - and I hope you will forgive the comparison - of the American Idol "vote for the worst" thing. If you don't like the show: Don't vote. Why do people have to be hateful?

You handle criticism extremely well, I must say.

8:01 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please do not give up the blog, Rebecca! We young, Canadian mommies need you. Thanks for all of your writing (books, newspaper columns, macleans, blog, etc.). I am a big fan, and have recruited all of my other young yummy-mummy pals to your work. The blog bullies are just jealous of your success.

6:19 PM

Blogger AlanTdot said...

The Negative Greek chorus that follows you is evidence of your popular appeal.

They can be a great resource for you - to mock when you need to fill an empty paragraph perhaps.

I suggest you alternatively mock and ignore them....

8:57 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just wanted to send you some enocouraging words to help counter some of the negativity you've been encountering. I really enjoy your blog. I actually wish your Globe column was more like your blog- but I don't imagine that's something you can control. Don;t let the bitter poeple get you down. They're just jealous- 2 books, columns, a popular blog... good for you!

10:06 PM

Blogger Michelle said...

I love reading your blog, and you have inspired me to blog too. I hope you continue...
P.S. My husband thinks it's hillarious that I read your stuff since he used to hang out with you in high school -- he laughed at the funny bits I read to him though!

7:44 AM


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