The $100 Manicure...

I went to the spa this weekend. It was quite a nice spa, in Scottsdale, Arizona. A bunch of girlfriends went too.

Now, as most of you know, I will spend a hundred dollars on a pair of jeans for my daughter, sometimes. And I recently bought a Jimmy Choo bag. Which I will carry around forever, to make it worth it. I figure if I carry it around for 7 years, every day, it really is only, like, $1 a day.

But that's not to say I don't have a problem with expensive things. Or, as I recently found out, I do have a problem. A big problem.

I really needed a manicure. I've been stressed lately, and have bitten off all my nails. That, along with playing in the sandbox at Adventure zone with The Dictator, well, let's just say my nails were nasty ass.

I made a manicure appointment at this spa. When I walked in, immediately I had to pay, which, you know, I never had to do before. Usually, you get the service first, and then you pay after.

I was also stunned that they had included an 18% tip already. I'm fine with giving an 18% tip - after I get the service, if the person is worth 18%. I mean, what if this manicurist sucked? But, I figured, it was a nice spa, so I'm sure they had good manicurists.

When the dude behind the counter, where I was checking in, asked me my method of payment, and gave me the sheet that had the cost of the manicure, I swear, my heart stopped.

The piece of paper, for the manicure, said it cost (with the added 18% tip) $105. Yes, that's right. One hundred and fucking five dollars for a manicure. And in American dollars.

I handed over my visa and said to the dude, "This is the most expensive manicure I have ever had."

He looked at me blankly, and didn't respond. In fact, he looked at ME like I was the CRAZY one.

Is it just me? Do you not all think that $105, American, for a friggen manicure is outrageous?

And the dude didn't even respond! Apparently, there is another world out there, another universe full of people, who don't think $105 for a manicure is outrageous. Because there were a lot of women getting manicures.

I went in thinking, "This better be the best fucking manicure of my life. They better put diamonds on my nails."

And you can bet your ass when they offered me cookies, an apple, and a bottle of water that I took all of them. In fact, I asked for another bottle of water when I was finished.

The manicure was, um, fine. It was nice. It lasted one hour. But, I tell you, when I was living in New York and getting manicures for $12, they were just as good.

And I had already booked, for the next day, a hot stone massage and a facial. I was dreading checking in the next day. I mean, if a manicure cost $105, what would be the cost of a facial and a massage?

I warned the fiance, because, well, I had to put it on our shared credit card, because if I put it on mine, I for sure would have had one of those embarrassing moments when the person says, "I'm really sorry. There seems to be a problem with your card. Do you have another?" (I don't. Except for the fiances, which I'm only allowed to use for our daughter and in case of emergencies.)

And, well, I suppose paying for a facial and massage isn't exactly an "emergency." Because of the 24 hour cancellation policy, I couldn't cancel it. So it turned into a bit of an emergency.

"My manicure cost $105," I told him. "I'm just warning you, because I have a facial and massage tomorrow, so who the hell knows what that will cost."

So I went the next day. I checked in again, before my treatments. The bill for the massage and facial. $585. So, I, of course, had to enjoy myself. I mean, I was paying $585 for two hours to enjoy myself.

But as they did my treatments, all I kept thinking was, "This is costing me $585! How the hell can I relax?" I swear, I was one breath away from having a panic attack.

In any case, I won't be heading back to that spa anytime soon. I mean, for the $700 it cost me, I could have bought the Dictator three pairs of Antik Denim jeans.

But I get why they made me pay first. Because not even the best manicure in the world should cost that much.